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Your Lover is Dirty Texting With Someone Else – Is That Cheating?

You can hope it never happens to you, but you’ve heard the stories, and you know that it might. You probably have a friend or two who has dealt with infidelity. In fact, it doesn’t have to be physical – no hotel rooms involved. It can be right under your nose, right on the screen of your lover’s phone. Dirty texting with someone else should be considered a form of infidelity…

Or should it?

The great debate about what cheating is and isn’t is as familiar as Bill Clinton’s question of what “is” means. And it has just as many nutty answers. Some will say that if your lover didn’t touch the other person, then it’s not cheating…after all, it’s just text messages on a screen! There is nothing more to it than your lover getting off to porn or a dirty book.

But others will say that there is an emotional attachment there, because there is another person involved. They could also argue that your lover went looking for someone to text with instead of picking up that dirty magazine. If your lover was seeking it out, does that mean it’s cheating?

That’s the first step in dealing with the possible infidelity of your partner — decide whether you think it was cheating, and why. Do dirty text messages count? Why do you think so? What you think is a private thing, but KNOW what you think, for certain, before you confront your partner. You will probably argue about it, and you want to be able to state your case. So think long and hard about what constitutes infidelity and what is just “playing around.”

Then consider how to handle it from there. Should you tell your partner to lose the text ability on his phone if he wants to stay with you? Should you tell your girl to confront the person she’s been texting and tell them it’s over? Should you demand that you have the same rights, and both of you can text dirty to others as you please? Their reaction to that one will tell you whether they feel guilty or not — if they are adamant that YOU cannot dirty text someone else, then they know what they did was wrong, and you will know that they believe they cheated on you by doing it.

Keep in mind that from time to time, it’s easy to get caught up in a texting game that goes a bit too far. But the real problem comes in doing it over and over, or hiding it from your partner. Before the problem has a chance to take hold, sit down and have a long, intimate talk about what is okay in your relationship, and what is not. You will be glad you did.

About Denise Brienne

Confident, fun, well-rounded and sexy. Those are words that describe author Denise Brienne, a thirty-something woman who has a knack for giving the best advice to those who want to spice up their intimate relationships.

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  • Gaily

    I recently found out that my husband was texting two different women at all hours of the night and day. I was shocked and so hurt. We have been living apart due to the economy and the lack of jobs in our area but I never thought that he would stoop to that level. I was paying the phone bill on line and saw the same two numbers for an entire month and decided to call the numbers. Both women. I told the first woman that she was carrying on with a married man and she claimed that they were “just friends”. ” Just friends” do not text each other repeatedly in the middle of the night. I left a message on the other womans phone informing her that she was texting/talking to a married man. My husband has attempted to blame this on me, accusing me of ignoring him. I am having a really hard time dealing with this. Just the thought of him having intimate communications with other women makes me sick to my stomach. The weird thing is that since he was caught, he talked me into getting text on my phone and he sends me sexy messages every day. This is not a guy who ever got into that kind of stuff. To be quite blunt, I am much more “worldly” in the sex department and always considered my husband to be a little “square”. I am enjoying the attention and the sex has been great (we can only see each other once per month) but I have this nagging feeling about him sending sex messages to these two women that he didnt even really know. One of them was an aquaintance from middle school who he has not seen or talked to in over 35 years. She found him on Facebook and sent him some messages and it must have taken off from there. It doesnt help that she is a gorgeous red head. The other woman is a very troubled individual who has a serious drug problem and a very chaotic lifestyle. She is 20 years younger than my husband. The young woman lives 30 miles away from where my husband is currently living and the red head lives near me. I dread the thought that he may have actually hooked up with the drug addict! I am a good looking, fun, kind hearted professional woman who has always had male admirers. I think it is wrong to come on to someone unless you intend to have a relationship with them. Is it different with men? My husband now wants me to forgive him and “let it go” but I keep thinking about him texting those bitches and it makes me furious. I would appreciate any helpful comments.