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When You Want What You Can’t Have

When you’re in a long-term relationship, a commitment has been made. Usually it’s clear enough, thanks to the fact that you live together, wear a wedding band, or have talked deeply about what you expect from one another. There is that person you come home to every night, the one who expects you to honor your commitment.

But sometimes, it’s just not that simple.

It is human nature to want what we can’t have. We see something that makes someone else happy and we want a little bit of that for ourselves. It might be that flashy sports care that looks so much nicer than your old SUV, or it might be that house on the hill with the perfect lawn. It might be the unlimited cash your neighbor has, or simply that must-have designer bag they carry around like it’s nothing more than a plastic sack.

But it might be your friend’s husband…or your neighbor’s wife. What do you do when your desire for what’s on the other side of the fence becomes overwhelming?

First, slow down. Take stock. You’ve got something good, don’t you? You made a commitment to someone because you cared deeply for them, and that’s just for starters. When you find yourself lusting over what you shouldn’t have, look at what is right in front of you. Make a list of reasons you are with your partner, and remind yourself of why you wanted to be with them in the first place.

Secondly, consider the consequences. Go ahead and fantasize…play it all out in your head, every last hot detail of the encounter you want to have. But don’t stop there…once the fun of the fantasy is over, consider what would happen if your partner found out. What if your secret infidelity was no longer secret? Picture in your head what the fallout would be, and ask yourself: Is the pleasure worth the pain?

Third, take a long, hard look at your relationship. Everyone lusts after someone else from time to time…it’s in the way we’re wired, and that “what could have been” moment doesn’t make you unfaithful. But if you consistently think about the person you want to cheat with, and if you are already making plans to pursue the affair, then it’s time to take serious stock of your relationship right now.

Ask yourself these questions: What do I need that I’m not getting? Have I told my partner I need those things? How am I doing with holding up the promise on my end? Am I resentful, angry, or feeling other negative emotions that make me want to hurt my partner? Why do I feel such a strong sense of lust for this other person?

Finally, ask yourself this: Am I ready to move on? By being unfaithful, that’s exactly what you are doing – so make sure you are ready and willing to walk away from your relationship.

That puts a different spin on things, doesn’t it?

In the end, fantasy is fine, and more power to you. But true infidelity cuts deeper than anyone can ever imagine, and it’s not something to take lightly. Think before you cross that fence!

About Denise Brienne

Confident, fun, well-rounded and sexy. Those are words that describe author Denise Brienne, a thirty-something woman who has a knack for giving the best advice to those who want to spice up their intimate relationships.

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