Believe it or not, it’s possible to be turned off by dirty talk. Hard to believe, I know, but it’s happened to me, and it might happen to you somewhere along the line, too. If a turn-off is going to happen, it will be because of one of two reasons:
Constant Repetition. If your partner says the same things over and over, it’s going to get old. I don’t care how hot it is, and I don’t care how sexy their voice is when they are saying it. Hearing the same fantasy for the umpteenth time is going to eventually become annoying.
A Serious Turn-Off. If your partner has a fantasy that you simply cannot stand, hearing about it often is going to turn you off. For instance, if you have a true sexual hang-up and the mere thought of being with a member of the same sex turns you off, your boyfriend’s dream of having two women in bed at the same time is not going to trip your trigger.
What do you do when you are confronted with this situation? It’s always easy to tell your partner how much you like something, but it can be very hard to tell your lover how much something turns you off. There are ways around that, however, without causing hurt feelings. Here are a few ideas that might help:
Insert some spice of your own. If your partner starts on the same old fantasy you’ve heard a million times, jump in with a variation! Insert your own ideas into the fantasy and lead your partner into new territory. If they balk at the idea, let them talk for a few minutes, and then try inserting your own ideas again, and see what happens.
Take over. If that doesn’t work, the next time you’re in bed, tell your partner to be silent and let you do all the talking. Start on a scenario you know he will like, but one that isn’t too close to the original fantasy he had in mind. Act out what you are saying as best you can, and give him the physical reinforcement of incredible pleasure – that might keep the new fantasy firmly in the forefront of his mind.
Find a compromise. Let’s go back to the “two women in bed” scenario. It might be something you don’t like, but your partner loves the idea. Where to compromise? Perhaps you could think of those women as simply bystanders who are watching the action, and you might be turned on by the voyeurism. Try to find some little corner of the fantasy that turns you on and run with it!
Tell your partner. When all else fails, tell your partner what you’ve been subtly trying to say all this time – that the fantasy just doesn’t do the trick for you. Tell your partner you don’t have any problem with them, just with that particular scenario. Don’t judge them or ask them to reconsider what turns them on – make sure they know you accept it as a part of them, but it just doesn’t turn you on, and that’s all there is to it. At that point you can both decide what to do about the situation, and hopefully come to an open compromise together.