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When He’s Just Not That Into That…

Hey, it happens. It’s rare, but it happens. Sometimes the guy you love more than anything else in the world decides he’s simply not into that. He decides he would rather not hear the fantasies in your head or share those in his. For whatever reason, the guy is afraid of a little dirty talk.

We’ve talked quite a bit about the man who loves the dirty words, but what about the man who doesn’t? It’s hard for a girl to cope when she wants to let loose with those dirty talk phrases but the guy in her life is as responsive as a fencepost.

And a disapproving fencepost, at that.

What can you do if you find yourself in this dirty talk problem?

First, remember that the problem isn’t with you. Some people just don’t like certain things in bed, and unfortunately, dirty talk can be one of those things. Something you have said or done did not cause this – you just happened to draw a very short straw.

Second, in matters of love and lust, everything is up for negotiation – or at least a good explanation. Explain to your lover how much you love dirty talk, and how quiet things seem without it. Prove to him that it’s not the dirty talk itself that turns you on by making love without uttering a sound and showing him that your body still responds to his touch! Ask him for his reasons why…saying “I don’t like it” is not quite good enough. There has to be a reason he doesn’t like it, right?

If you have tried these things and your partner is still unwilling or unable to open up, you can try little techniques that might help him get there. Easing him into dirty talk might be the answer. But if he balks at even the slightest mention, you have the strong and silent (and stubborn!) type on your hands.

That’s when you have a decision to make. Do you stay with someone who doesn’t like the dirty talk you crave? Do you go elsewhere to get your kicks? Is your partner willing to let you explore on the internet or with phone sex to get your fill? Are you going to have to get your dirty talk in a way that your partner will not know about your activities?

If you’re in a short term relationship or one that has other problems already, this is just another strike in the “reasons to walk away” column. But what if you’re in a committed, long-term relationship?

If you’re going to have to lie to get what you need – and your partner is not willing to compromise at all – then you need to give the relationship itself a long, hard look. Is it worth staying if you don’t get everything you need? Will you be tempted to stray? Will you be able to move forward without resentment?

Those are very personal questions with personal answers, but no matter what you decide, keep this in mind: Compromise is the cornerstone of a good relationship, and if your partner is not willing to try and meet you halfway, you just might have your answers.

About Denise Brienne

Confident, fun, well-rounded and sexy. Those are words that describe author Denise Brienne, a thirty-something woman who has a knack for giving the best advice to those who want to spice up their intimate relationships.

One comment

  1. If you try to change some one’s basic nature, it is not going to work. He may try to talk dirty for you for a few days. But he will go back to his shell in a few days. Any man or woman who tries too hard to change the other person in the relation ship too hard, is going to be disappointed.

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