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What Makes A Relationship…And What Doesn’t?

If you’ve ever been in a phone sex relationship, a long-distance love affair, or even an internet tryst, you might be familiar with the question of what sex really is…or what it really isn’t. Or what makes a relationship “real” – and what doesn’t.

When I was in a long-distance relationship a few years ago, my friends – those who were having dinner with me at the bistro down the street, the ones who could cruise by my house anytime they wanted – challenged the notion that my relationship was “real.” That was a confusing notion to me, because of course it was real – he was just as real as any other man.

But because his physical presence wasn’t actually there – because I had him only through letters, emails, and phone calls – my friends didn’t feel it could be termed a “real” relationship.

Oh, boy. What a can of worms they opened with that one!

Since then, I’ve heard many people tell me about their phone sex hottie or their long-distance love. I know exactly what they mean when they say this. Love does not require a physical presence to sustain itself. You still love your partner even when they are away from you, right? Your love doesn’t dissipate if they take a week’s worth of travel for work or spend an evening out with their friends, away from you.

Passion and arousal and desire don’t turn off when someone walks out of the room, either – that’s why phone sex still has the power to give us  thrill, and even bring us to orgasm, without a single touch from the person we’re really craving.

But too often I hear someone say “it’s just phone sex” as a way of discounting what they feel. Or someone claim “it’s just emails” while they are steaming it up with someone halfway across the world but don’t want their spouse to find out. The “it’s not what it seems” excuse has been used time and time again, but it misses the broader point of the situation.

Emotions are real. The desire to be with someone, the deep craving for an emotional connection, and the quest for friendship and love, are all very real situations we experience every single day. Some of us have that person they are seeking right there in front of us, and those are the lucky ones. Others, however, find the person they want more than anything else in the world is…well, a whole world away. And in order to bridge that physical gap, emotion steps in.

That man with whom I didn’t have a “real” relationship with eventually became my husband – we now live together under the same roof, every single day. But what I feel for him now is not any less than what I felt for him before I actually laid eyes on him. Our hearts were connected long before our bodies had the opportunity to be.

How about you? Are you in a “real” relationship that no one else thinks is the real deal? Are you the long-distance lover? Are you the phone sex friend who might be turning into more? Tell us your side of the story in comments.

About Denise Brienne

Confident, fun, well-rounded and sexy. Those are words that describe author Denise Brienne, a thirty-something woman who has a knack for giving the best advice to those who want to spice up their intimate relationships.

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