We all know about the longevity of Tinseltown couples. In fact, to have a sentence with the word longevity in the same mix as Tinseltown couples almost seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? These are couples that never seem to last very long, and when many of them do, it seems like more an on again off again situation.
But there are some couples that seem to defy these rules, and these are excellent couples to look to for inspiration when you are trying to keep the sparks alive in your own relationship. Yes, long term happiness and success IS possible, you just have to work at it. And there’s the kicker. So how do you do it? Follow the advice of long term happies such as Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgewick who seem to be in honeymoon bliss even 21 years down the road. What’s their secret? They have two actually…and it’s something you can start implementing right now.
1. Clean Fights. This makes so much common sense that it almost seems obvious, but there is a big difference between understanding this and living it. These are tips that every relationship doctor will tell you, when you are fighting, the key is to do so constructively, and without attack. The better you know someone, the longer you have been with them, the more likely you are to put on the battle gear and go at them. Before you do so, pull yourself back a little bit. Think about the actual problem. A “good fight” is one where you aren’t focused on being right, but are focusing on finding a solution. Don’t be chipping away at your partner for the minor crimes they commit that aggravate you. Save the small stuff for the bigger convos, and begin your sentences with “I feel like…” Yes, we have heard this rule a hundred times, no it is time to start living it. If you feel yourself about to blow, take a time out. Go to your separate corners, and talk about it after you BOTH have cooled off. Again, common sense, easier said than done, this is where the work in the relationship comes. You get what you put out. Put out a clean fight and guaranteed your relationship will thrive as a result.
2. Dirty Sex. That’s right. If you want to get dirty somewhere, here is your no holds barred way of fueling that energy into the bedroom. The more varied your sex routine is, the better your relationship will be for it. This doesn’t mean you have to swing from the chandeliers every night for your relationship to survive. No, but once in a while, once a week, once a month, whatever you are comfortable with, try something new. Even if it is just some new lingerie. The more times you take the initiative to try something new, the message you send is, I’m invested in this, I care about you, and….let’s get dirty. The reason Kevin and Kyra can’t keep their hands off each other in public, even 21 years later, is because they always keep each other guessing. Need suggestions? Pretend you are being watched, pretend you just met each other for the first time, share some fantasies, come to bed wearing 3 less items of clothing than you normally would…anything that will get *both* your motors running.