When you are just starting a relationship, it can feel like you don’t do much else BUT have sex. In fact, the frequency is so high on the Richter charts that you don’t even bother to make your bed anymore. But what happens when the honeymoon is over? Or you hit a bump in the relationship road and things get stale? Sometimes things don’t just get stale due to the busy and hectic nature of life, sometimes men just pull back and they have warranted reasons for it.
If you are in a relationship and are experiencing a sudden stale mate when it comes to the bedroom, it may be time to take a closer look at what is really going on. Men hate confrontation and challenge, and so just asking them outright may well just get their back up. If you are feeling both confused AND randy, take a look at some of these top reasons why men, the gender that is supposed to be so sex craved, may be pulling back when it comes to sessions in the sack.
1. He really is just stressed out. This is an easy one, but our first inclination is to lead them to the bedroom to blow off the angst. Don’t. If life or work or some other issue is getting him down, trying to force intimacy is going to backfire. Give him his space, and let him work it out. He will be glad you did. A little neck rub while he is slaving late hours on the computer, or leaving his favorite drink on the desk while he is stressing away will get you much further than forcing your needs on him. It tells him that you know it’s not just all about you, and that you care.
2. He’s mad at you. Men don’t want to have sex when they are ticked off. And when they are ticked off at YOU for a specific reason, the mere suggestion will just send him off. We tend to move towards offering intimacy as a means of strengthening bonds, especially when we know they are made because we know that men like sex. This may just turn him off even more, and your stale period may lengthen as a result. He may not be ranting and raving at you, by withholding and withdrawing is going to be his way of showing it. If he’s mad at you, do some ego work, meaning, stroke his in subtle ways. If it’s a small issue, like some other guy bought you a drink, remind him how important HE is to you. Flirt with him again, compliment him again, thank him for being so great. If it is a major issue, and you want this relationship to continue, sit down, have a talk WITHOUT confrontation, and then let the kissing and making up begin.
3. He has commitment issues. This will occur right before a major commitment, or even right after. In some cases, he may be so freaked out about a pending or initiated commitment that he feels the need to pull back a little. His freaking out may be severe enough for him to even consider moving on. Let’s face it, if a man is so freaked out about being with you long term that he has started moving AWAY from sex, remember whose issues they really belong to. These are HIS problems, not yours. This is not the time to take things personally, as more hurt and conflict is bound to occur, and that breakup is closer to being around the corner than you think. When your relationship is going through a decision making period, he may withdraw from you sexually just to give him some thinking room. You are best to give him this space, and postpone any heavy talks. Men don’t say yes when they are pressured, at least not the man that you want in your life. Be casual, and send out casual signs and signals that you are in no rush to set things in stone. If for example he hears you in earshot while you are talking to your sister on the phone, be breezy when she asks you about your relationship and make sure he hears you mention you are in NO rush to tie the knot. His mental alarms will buzz with the joy that you are still the same cool girl he started dating to begin with, and will start wanting to be intimate with you again.