There is no question that the age old song ‘Breaking Up is Hard to Do’ holds true for each of us. We have all been there at one time or another, and maybe you are going through this right now. As hard as it can be to see through the cloud of tears that comes with every breakup, there ARE “up” sides to the breaking up process. Use this article to take away some valuable lessons and tips to help you get through this heartbreaking time, or keep on hand *just in case* you ever have to experience this pain again.
1. Mourn the loss. It’s okay to go through a grieving process, you will and you should. Pretending like this never happened is not healthy, and will only backfire down the road. Grieve your relationship with the same dignity that you gave to it, and do not let hurt, anger, or frustration cloud this grieving process. Now is not the time to ask for answers, as clearly it is too late. Grieve with the grace and dignity you were born with, and move on. There is nothing wrong with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a soul searching night or two left home alone. The up side to this component of breaking up? Full fat ice cream any day of the week, any time of day, with no repercussions, because at this point, you deserve it.
2. Use your support system, but don’t overuse them. Your friends and family don’t want to see you unhappy, and will do whatever it takes to get you over this hurdle. Use them, as they will remind you about what a wonderful person you are and how it is the other person’s loss. You need this pick me up, because more than likely you are feeling inadequate, unattractive, and just plain unlovable. Your “dumper” is only one person who may not feel these things about you, you have these other people in your life to remind you that one person’s opinion means little in the grand scheme of things. On that note, do not overuse your support system because they will get tired of hearing about this if you border on obsessing over every little detail. Use them for a pick me up, not as a therapy substitute. The up side to your support system? They love you unconditionally, and so now you know, you ARE amazing and lovable, and who cares what ONE person thinks?
3. Get busy. More than likely over the course of your relationship you have let some things in your life fall to the wayside. Your family, your friends, your hobbies, your career. With all of this extra energy and time you have with your newfound singledom, throw that into these parts of life. You will feel more fulfilled, more confident, and more productive. The up side to this? You are contributing back to the things in your life that mean the most to you, and there is no greater sense of fulfillment than this. You’ll also be distracted from consuming breakup thoughts and get over this heartbreak so much faster. Throw yourself into a rewarding project, and by the time all is said and done you’ll be all “John who?” and be that much more attractive to any new prospects.
Breaking up is HARD to do, but if you focus on the up side, instead of obsessing over the down side, you will get over this pain soooo much faster. The real up side to breaking up however is the lesson you have learned and the experience you have gained along the way. Cherish this, it will teach you well for the next one.