I spoke to an old friend this week, and throughout the course of the conversation she mentioned that things weren’t going well in the bedroom. Her husband was asking her to talk to him about her fantasies, but she insisted she didn’t have any – none that she wanted to share with him, anyway. She didn’t know where to begin, and she was sure her tame fantasies were things he didn’t want to hear, anyway.
When I asked her if she had tried dirty talk, she was horrified. “That’s against everything I believe!” she exclaimed. “How could you suggest such a thing?”
Ah, the old moral conundrum. Is talking dirty to your partner a bad thing in the eyes of morality…or a fantastic thing when shared between two loving adults?
Talking about morality and dirty talk in the same sentence might make some people a little squeamish. After all, isn’t what happens in the bedroom something that shouldn’t be talked about in terms of what is moral and what is not?
The internet is filled with chat rooms full of those who would tell even the most dedicated husbands and wives that if they want dirty talk, there must be something wrong with them. There are those who believe the bedroom should be kept as pure as possible, and certain things are just not okay. There are those who believe that fantasies are the product of an overactive imagination and that if you have to fantasize about things your partner is not giving you, then maybe you aren’t happy in your relationship.
On the other hand, there are those who will say anything that happens in the bedroom is okay. Another friend of mine, a very upstanding and moral preacher, laughs at the idea and says, “The marriage bed is undefiled. If you want it, and you’re doing it with your spouse, you can have it.”
In other words, if it’s kept between the partners, anything at all is okay between the sheets. Amen to that, I say.
The naked truth is this: We are all human beings. We have desires, needs, wants, and yes, fantasies. We all have a need for human contact, and a need to explore. All of these things combine to create a fertile mind that is ready to venture into new areas of the sexual realm. It’s wired into us!
Talking dirty is one of those things that puts people on the moral fence. Most people have no problem with it. Some people might have an issue with a certain word they don’t like – and in reality, don’t we all have issues like that from time to time? – but those who would say dirty talk is “wrong” are in the minority. However, those who feel strongly about not talking dirty always feel VERY strongly about it – and make their feelings very clear.
I respect my friend’s decision not to talk dirty to her husband, even if I don’t agree with it. My personal opinion is that eventually, he will go to find it elsewhere…and that’s a sad situation all around.
What are your thoughts on the dirty talk morality conundrum? Do your beliefs prohibit such an expression of affection and fun between adults? Or do you think it’s okay as long as it happens in the bedroom?