Have you ever had a dirty talk blunder? One of those moments when something came out of your mouth that maybe sounded odd, or didn’t convey what you wanted, and you got that “what the hell?” look from your lover? Or maybe you broke out a fantasy that shocked the hell out of your partner, and the atmosphere turned icy before it even had a chance to turn hot and sexy?
Introducing a new dirty talk scenario can be tricky. You can’t be certain it is something your partner wants, unless they have specifically said so. You might think that they want something they said in passing, only to find that it really wasn’t a desire at all, but just a wayward comment.
When you are introducing a new dirty talk scenario, take things very slow. Don’t just whip it out and tell your partner what you want…build up to it to make certain it is something they will accept and embrace.
Start by dropping hints about what you want and what you think about. Is your fantasy all about having more than one man in bed with you? Mention that you read an article about threesomes the other day. Perhaps you can point out a poster or a billboard of a woman and two men – nothing sexual, of course – and bring up the question of what it must be like to have more than one person in bed with you.
When you bring these things up, watch for your partner’s reaction. Are they intrigued? Concerned? Impassive? Disgusted? What they think about the fantasy outside of the bedroom will translate into what they think of it when you’re between the sheets. If you like their reaction and feel like pursuing it, then you can bring it up in the bedroom, and even start collecting props that would make your fantasy more of a reality.
When you do bring up the fantasy and you’re ready to share, make sure you are in a situation where you have plenty of time. A long night together, or at least a few hours to play, will be a much better time to mention your deepest fantasies than that moment of a quickie on the kitchen table!
And finally, relax. A loving partner will accept your fantasies as a window into what makes you tick, and they will be more than happy to listen – even if they don’t share your fantasy, they will be happy to know a bit more about you.
And if they DO share that particular fantasy, well…aren’t you the lucky one!