How many times have you done the “walk of shame” after a wild night with a complete stranger? Come on, admit it — if you haven’t done it, you’ve thought about it, or you’ve come a bit too close for comfort. What is incredibly hot at night can be astonishingly bad in the light of day, both in terms of your conscience and in terms of the person you wake up next to.
As uncouth as it may sound, the term “Coyote Ugly” might apply — a person so ugly that you would rather chew off your own arm like a trapped coyote than risk waking them as you climb out of bed.
So how do you say goodbye gracefully, with no strings attached?
Walk out before dawn. Don’t fall asleep. Give them a sweet kiss goodbye, thank them for a good time, and let yourself out. Walk away with a smile, and remind them to lock the door behind you — it is the right thing to do, and an added touch of “sweetness” to your goodbye that will make them smile, too.
Tell a white lie. Tell them you have to be at work during the wee hours, or tell them that your live-in love will be coming back home soon, and you want to beat them there. Always end it with a smile and a “thank you” before you walk out the door.
Give a fake number. If you know you will never see them again but they insist on your number, give them a fake one. Hopefully you remembered to give them a fake name, too. Sometimes telling a little story can get you out of a tight jam. They will think of you as a jerk in the long run, but in the short run, it’s a way of escaping that doesn’t turn into an ugly scene.
Be completely honest. Tell the person you are with, that you had too much to drink, got in over your head, wanted to get revenge on someone, etc. Tell them you are sorry that you pulled them into your own issues, and tell them that while you enjoyed the night, it won’t happen again. End of story.
Wait until they are sleeping. Dress quietly, and before you walk out the door, go to the bathroom mirror and write something like “you were great!” in lipstick. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. It’s a way of making someone smile while you are moving on from the one-night stand, and there’s never any harm in that, is there?