It might sound crazy, but it’s true – some men have a serious problem with sex toys. A good friend of mine considers himself very open about all things sexual, but when his wife brought home a vibrator, he freaked right out. “Why did she have that? Wasn’t I enough to satisfy her? What was I doing wrong?” Despite hearing all the evidence to the contrary, he fell into the belief that he wasn’t enough for his wife, and he resented even the mention of sex toys from that moment on.
Sometimes a woman simply wants some spice, and a vibrator is a good way to get there! But how do you introduce a toy without making your partner feel like he’s not good enough – or worse, that he’s being replaced by your Battery Operated Boyfriend?
First, be perfectly honest with your partner. Does he satisfy you in bed? Are you getting enough sex? Do you still find him as attractive as ever? If the answers are all a hearty YES, tell him so! Praise him for all the good things he does for you, and be as specific as you can. If he does that thing with his fingers that sends you to the moon, or if he has the most talented tongue you can possibly imagine, make sure he knows it. Don’t let him think a toy is what you have to have to get off with him.
On the other hand, if he’s not doing it for you in bed, eventually you will have to tell him that, too – but try other things first. Many women use toys to spice things up and show their partner what they want – and as they show him more about what turns them on, they open the door to even newer things, and eventually, they reach a point where satisfaction is happening all the time!
How to introduce that vibrator? Don’t spring it on your partner…give him time to work up to the idea. Let him “catch” you surfing sex toy stores on the internet, and invite him to help you choose something for both of you to enjoy. You might start out slowly, with things like handcuffs or that chocolate body paint. The idea is to open up the realm of toy fun, so you can eventually move into something more serious…like that buzzy little bedroom buddy.
When you do choose that vibrator, start out small. Don’t buy the intimidating twelve inches of battery-powered fun! A massive vibrator might intimidate anyone, no matter how confident they are in bed. Start out with something like the Pocket Rocket and move upward from there.
Don’t forget to use your vibrator on him, too – it’s not just for women’s pleasure anymore! He will probably love the buzzy feeling against his most intimate regions, and you will both find a great new way to connect.
The vibrator situation is one that will satisfy both of you if you take the time to get past any deep-seated hangups your partner may have. It’s worth the wait – and once he gets a taste of the naughty world of sex toys, he might surprise you with his enthusiasm!