When you’re in the midst of something hot and heavy, you might lose track of what you’re saying. But what if your partner is the one who says something out of line? Hearing the last thing you expected in the heat of passion – something that might insult you, or even hurt your feelings – is the fastest way to tamp down that fire.
How do you handle the situation when your lover has just said something that doesn’t sit well with you? Perhaps it was an ex’s name that he uttered. Maybe it was a fantasy that you know isn’t just a fantasy, but something he experienced a long time ago, something that will makes you feel a bit uncomfortable to think about. Maybe he simply used the wrong word at the wrong time. Whatever the case may be, you’re now in a very delicate position.
Do you stop the action right away, or do you wait to talk about it later? That depends on a few things.
First, does your partner know that particular word or subject bothers you? If it is something the two of you have never discussed before, something that he would have no idea is a bad idea, then it’s best not to withdraw from his embrace. After all, how could he have known? That is the kind of situation where you should simply file it away in the back of your mind and when the afterglow is over, gently bring it up. “Honey, you said something while we were in bed that kinda bothered me…and here’s why.”
That’s another poing: Always give you reasons for why something bothers you. If he knows your reasons and understands them, he is much less likely to slip up and say the offending thing in the future.
There are times, however, when it’s definitely appropriate to stop the action in its tracks and let your lover know what he just said was not okay! This is especially true when your lover has just said someone else’s name, or when he has called you a name that he knows you don’t enjoy hearing. In a case like that, you are owed an explanation, and you are owed it immediately.
Sometimes when we talk dirty, we let things slip that we shouldn’t say. A little bit of understanding goes a long way toward resolving the issue, but at the same time, if it keeps happening, there is a much deeper problem going on than just a bit of forgetfulness. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner anything and everything you are feeling, and give feedback on their dirty talk – open communication is the key to making sure that these problems don’t arise in the first place!