No matter how comfortable you are in your relationship, there are going to be times when your lover throws you for a real loop. Most sexual desires your partner expresses are going to turn you on, but what about those that you just aren’t sure about?
Fetishes are not for everyone, and most of them are highly individual…for instance, a man might have a fetish for shoes, but not just any shoes! He might choose that he only likes strappy, red high heels. Or you might have a fetish for men in uniform, but only in uniforms of authority, such as that of a police officer or a doctor.
But what if you and your partner can’t see eye to eye on your fetishes?
Give it a shot anyway. You might find that you really like it! So put aside your distaste or uncertainty – just once – and give it a shot. If you don’t like it, at least you have given you and your partner the opportunity to know for sure.You might wind up having great fun, and the fetish might become your own!
Ask your partner to explain it. Why does he like it? What does he get out of it? When was he first aware that he liked it? Will anything else suffice, or does it have to revolve around those specifics? Talking about it might help you understand why he wants it, and the more you understand it, the more likely you are to come to terms with it.
Do your research. How common is this fetish? For instance, I once heard the term “pony play” and had no idea what it meant – but with a little research into the term, I discovered a whole world of people who loved the fetish and participated in it as often as they could. Perhaps finding that it’s not all that unusual will make it seem more palatable to you.
Offer to fulfill his fetish and get yours, too. You can trade off on the fetishes – if he gets what he wants, then you get yours, too. That opens up the lines of communication even more, because now you are both sharing things that might be in the “taboo” realm – and the more secrets you share, the closer you become.
Finally, don’t compromise your safety. If you feel that a particular fetish is going to be unsafe to participate in, refuse to do it. No matter how badly your partner wants it, an unsafe fetish is best left in the realm of the imagination and not acted out in your bedroom. Your partner will understand if you don’t feel safe – and if he doesn’t, it’s time to have an even deeper discussion about the boundaries of your relationship.