I know I can’t be the only Dirty Talker who has faced this dilemma: how to make a smooth transition from baby talk to dirty talk. When you’re a new parent, it seems like sex may never happen again, and sometimes a woman’s libido can be incredibly slow to return. But, with a little effort, it is possible to find a happy medium between being parents and being down-and-dirty lovers!
I am the proud mother of an energetic 18-month-old. I love being a mother and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I did let myself become absorbed in being a mom and forgot entirely about the sexy, vivacious woman I used to be.
My husband didn’t forget. No matter how disheveled or exhausted I looked, he managed to find me sexy, and wanted to enjoy some of the pleasures that lead us to parenthood in the first place. I thought he was nuts and wanted nothing to do with it. After all, I was Mom. How could I give him a blow job and kiss my baby with the same mouth? How could I possibly divert my attention to him when the baby might need me at any minute?
We had a few heated discussions about his needs vs. the baby’s needs vs. my needs. As a nursing, stay-at-home mom, I wanted nothing more at the end of the day than to have complete solitude. The last thing I wanted was to have another person touching me! And after being away from his family all day, my husband simply wanted time to reconnect with his wife.
The few times early on that I did give in to him and have sex just so he could feel better, I would always end up really enjoying the sex, too. Once we were really engaged in what we were doing together, I was able to have fun. So I talked to him about this, and we tried to figure out why our old foreplay was no longer working for me.
That’s when we tried altering foreplay a bit. One thing that always turned me off was when I would finally get the baby to sleep and he’d immediately jump in and want to have sex. It just felt like another demand being made on me after a day of constant demands! So, he learned to change the timing and manner of his approach. He also spent more time making me feel good all over, rather than going for the immediately obvious erogenous zones. A foot rub and a cup of tea were suddenly the fastest way to get me in bed!
After my libido returned, things got a lot easier. I started to care more about feeling and looking sexy. I put more effort into flirting with my husband and teasing him with naughty touches and dirty whispers. I was able to finally reconcile the new part of myself – Mom – with the part of me that I had been missing – my sexy, adventurous side.