Imagine this: You finally have private time with your partner. The lights are dim, the candles lit, the doors locked. You have no obligations, no plans, nothing else to do all weekend but focus on each other. The setting is perfect.
It’s time for the dirty, filthy, sweaty sex that you have been craving all week!
But when you both start to get down to it, your mind is everywhere but there. You are thinking about the bills, the dog, the kids, and whether or not it’s time to change the oil in the car. You think about what you will make for dinner tomorrow night and wonder what has made your boss sullen all week. In other words, you’re thinking very unsexy thoughts at what should be a very sexy time.
Here’s the deal: Women can multitask like crazy. Just look at your own mother — how many things did she handle in one day? She made doing it all look seamless and easy. Even when you’re engrossed in work or in cooking that dinner, your mind is doing a million different other things. You don’t even think about it — multitasking just comes naturally.
When you are ready to have sexy time with your partner, all the dirty sex in the world can’t stop your multitasking brain. What’s more, when you bring worries about that extra ten pounds into bed with you, your mind is likely to wander more often. The less confident you are about your body, the more likely you will be to focus on something else.
What can you do to remedy the situation?
Better sex is all in your head — literally. You have to retrain your brain to focus on one thing, and one thing only, and that is your partner and the pleasures you can bring one another. Want to know how to make it happen? Here are a few tips:
– Change the atmosphere. Don’t have sex at home. Go to a hotel, house-sit for a friend, or just move the action to a tent in the backyard. Get away from the familiar and your brain will probably follow.
– Schedule sex. Sounds rigid and old-fashioned, doesn’t it? It’s actually a way to train your brain to “shut off” everything else at a certain time. If you always have sex at ten p.m. on a Wednesday, you start to plan for that…and it cuts down on your multitasking, because you are more “in the moment” than you ever were before.
– Have a drink. Relaxing before private time with your partner can massage your libido while cutting down on worry at the same time. Have a nice glass of wine with your partner before you get down to business, and enjoy the difference!
– Make the bedroom your oasis. Resolve not to talk about anything but good things while you’re in bed together. Don’t talk about the bills, the worries about health, the money situation, or the fury your boss invoked in you this morning. Talk about sexy things, relaxing things, and what you want to do to each other.
But that’s not all! Tune in again tomorrow when we offer even more tips to take back your bedroom and make life sexy again.