Fear of rejection keeps a lot of women from being bold with their flirting. After all, if you put yourself out there and a man rejects you, that must mean something’s wrong with you, right?
Wrong! First of all, if you want to be confident with your flirting, you need to be confident in yourself. Throw out all of the voices in your head that tell you your self-worth is directly linked to a man liking you. Because it’s not. Trust me.
Yes, the first step in this process is a doozey. Having been down this road myself, more than once, I know that self-confidence doesn’t magically appear over night. But every step you take toward building that confidence makes you that much more attractive to the people around you. Having that increased confidence will also ease your fear of rejection, and that will allow you to have more fun with flirting!
Flirting is the human form of the mating dance. It is not as clearly defined as some of the rituals that take place in the animal kingdom, but it is every bit as primal. Men and women alike are turned on by The Chase.
The Chase doesn’t have to be sexual, either. Even if your ultimate goal is to be having hot and steamy sex by the end of the night, you don’t need to be flashing skin and bragging up your BJ skills all night long. In fact, that’s more likely to be a turn-off to some guys!
And forget the idea that the man needs to approach you. If you’ve been giving subtle hints from across the bar all night and he doesn’t catch on, then you need to take action. Study your guy for a brief moment, and listen in to any conversations he may be having with the people around him. What are his interests? How does he interact with other men – and women? Does he laugh a lot, or does he tend to be more serious?
Once you’ve made some quick mental notes, it’s time to move in and see if you can engage him in The Chase. Throw out a comment that touches on something you think he’d be interested in, but don’t use your “A” material right away – you don’t want to sound like you’re trying too hard, and you want to be able to keep the conversation going for a while! And make sure you broach a topic that you’re interested in, too. If he’s really into hockey and you know nothing about hockey and would rather gouge your eyes out than learn anything about hockey, don’t use that as your conversation starter!
Once you’ve been talking for a while, look for an opportunity to invite him out somewhere. If, for example, you are talking about a type of music you both like, you may be tempted to say something like, “I heard that this great band is playing next Friday at a club downtown. I’d really like to go.” That degree of subtlety is taking the easy way out, and the guy may not ask you out because he simply did not catch on! Instead, you need to go for the gutsy move: “I heard this great band is playing next Friday at a club downtown. Would you like to catch the show with me?”
There are a couple of benefits to asking him on a date like this. First, you are asking him to do something you’d both be interested in. Second, he’ll clearly see that you are asking him on a date (if he still doesn’t get it at that point, you may want to cut your losses and move on!).
Once I took control of my dating life and began to make the bold moves, I found I had much more success, and the kind of men I ended up on dates with were of a higher caliber than the ones that would troll the bars at the end of the night, looking for the women who were just waiting to get asked out.