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Flirting With A Brick, Part 1: Subtlety Doesn’t Always Work

I just finished reading a wonderful work of historical fiction that was, quite honestly, a dressed-up romance novel. There were scenes of romantic intrigue, backstabbing, love affairs, and steamy sexual trysts.

It was an enjoyable story, but it was, nonetheless, a work of fiction. How do I know? Because the men in the story caught on to the subtle hints being dropped by the women around them. I’m not saying that all men are oblivious all of the time. Some men are good at picking up social cues. However, this seems to be the exception to the rule.

If the man you are interested in is one of these amazing creatures, then congratulations! Enjoy playing your cat-and-mouse game of flirting and best of luck to you. If the object of your affection is a, well, ordinary man, you may want to put aside the romantic notions of subtle flirtation and pick up the Sledge-Hammer-O-Love.

It’s fine to approach a new interest for the first time with subtlety and grace. You’re feeling him out, finding out what he reacts to. If your usual charm and subtle hints aren’t working on him, don’t automatically assume that he’s not into you or that he’s rejecting you. The fact of the matter may be that he simply has no clue that you’re coming on to him!

One of the biggest mistakes women make – and, trust me, I’ve made this mistake a lot – is to keep using the same tactic over and over and get upset when the man doesn’t catch on. Remember, the only person you can control is yourself. If you aren’t eliciting the desired response from your guy, you need to change your approach.

This can be a bit intimidating. Even though women are becoming more and more empowered sexually, we still have feelings and we don’t want them to get hurt. Flirting in subtle ways is the safe approach. If he doesn’t react, it’s not really a rejection as much as if you flat out express your interest and he turns you down.

But, being bold and honest with the man you’ve got feelings for may be the easiest way to get what you want. If he expresses an interest in you, then you’ve saved yourself a lot of waiting and frustration. If he isn’t interested, you can move on with your life.

Remember: romance novels are the filler material that we use to pass time while we’re waiting for real love. Real love, genuine love, is far more powerful and beautiful than anything that has ever been imagined.

Next week, Flirting with a brick, Part 2: Bold flirting tips

About Denise Brienne

Confident, fun, well-rounded and sexy. Those are words that describe author Denise Brienne, a thirty-something woman who has a knack for giving the best advice to those who want to spice up their intimate relationships.

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