I recently returned to the bar scene. No, the hubby and I didn’t split. We’re still going strong! What happened is that my girlfriend and I declared Thursday nights as Mommy Night Out. Hubby watches the kids, and I get to get out and blow off some steam.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve been out to the bar without my husband at my side, so I had a hard time adjusting to being hit on again. I mean, when the guy by your side is 6’4” with the appearance of a well-groomed but menacing lumber jack, the guys tend to just stay away. But, without my Man Repellant at my side, suddenly I was exposed to an old, familiar friend: flirtation.
And I wasn’t sure what to do.
As I have said in the past, it is human nature to enjoy the chase, but where does one draw the line to keep an innocent chase from turning into a marriage-shattering affair?
My gut instinct was to cut the poor guys off as quickly as possible. A friendly, “You’re a great dancer” would be met with, “Thanks – my husband and I love to go out dancing.” An innocent, “may I buy you a drink?” was knocked down with, “only if I can call my husband and ask him if it’s okay.” I was not giving these guys any wiggle room whatsoever.
And then, I started to wonder: was I cutting them off too soon? What was the harm in a little innocent flirtation? Why can’t I pretend for the night that I’m just me – not a wife, not a mother, not anything but me? What’s the harm in that?
That question dogged me for a while. What was the harm? I loved my husband and my family, so I know I would never betray his trust. But if I could get a few free drinks or an ego boost out of leading a guy on for the night….
The following week I went out to the karaoke bar, as usual, and was having a great time with my girlfriend. When I stepped up to the bar to order a drink, a good looking guy who had just done a very impressive Eagle’s cover leaned over and asked me about the necklace I was wearing. I could feel myself blushing as my mind raced to think of a response. After all, this guy was good looking and had a knock-out voice. He’s the kind of guy I would have begged to flirt with me back in my single days. I hesitated for a moment. When I finally opened my mouth, out popped, “thanks – my husband bought it for me.”
And I knew that I never wanted to find out where the line was. I don’t want to stand with my toes on the line and look across, wondering “what if?” I don’t want to invite temptation into my life. My husband, my child, and the life we have together is far to valuable to risk it all on a moment’s adrenaline rush.
Next week: Facing the Itch, Part 2: Is temptation a sign of something wrong in your relationship?