We’ve talked quite a bit on this blog about communication and how important it is to a relationship, whether that relationship is a simple one-night stand or a long-term marriage. Ironically, many people find it easier to explain what they want and how they want it to a stranger, but they find it difficult to say the same things to their long-term lover.
If your open communication with your partner is starting to feel like something less than what it should be, these tips are your “refresher course” to make sure you get back on track – fast!
Take the time to simply talk about things. Do this outside of the bedroom, where you aren’t tempted to cover up your words with kisses. Perhaps take a drive in the car, just the two of you, with no radio on. Or sit down at the kitchen table without a newspaper, with no television to distract you, and simply talk. Discuss the events of your day. Discuss things that are bothering you. Discuss what makes you happy. Talk about everything – even if “everything” is nothing at all.
Listen. One of the biggest complaints from spouses who cheat is that they wanted someone to “listen” to them. The desire to be heard is vital, and you can fulfill that! Listen to what your partner has to say, even if it reaches into territory that you don’t normally talk about. If the discussion begins to make you uncomfortable, that’s a sign that you really do need to talk through it – and you really do need to listen to your partner.
Share Gratitude. What are you thankful for? When is the last time you said the words out loud? Telling your partner what blessings in your life make you happy is a good way to open the doors to finding out what makes your partner happy, too. Find time every day – even if it’s just a few minutes before bed – to tell your lover what you are grateful for right now.
Put your affection into words. Tell your partner you love them. Tell them how much you appreciate the fact that they are there, sharing this life with you. Sometimes, we all just crave the feeling that we are needed. You can foster that feeling by letting your lover know just how you feel.
Work through problems. If there is a problem you are working through, don’t close up and refuse to discuss it. Don’t storm out of the room in anger. Make yourself sit down and listen, and expect your partner to offer you the same courtesy. You don’t have to make decisions all at once, but you do have to clear the air a bit so you can think. Get beyond the pain and resentment much faster by talking it through.
Communication outside the bedroom always leads to better communication inside the bedroom…and that leads to great dirty talk. But it also leads to other things, such as more intense lovemaking, deeper trust, and a sense of well-being with your partner. It’s worth a few minutes out of your day, don’t you think?