Some people don’t talk dirty in bed simply because they have never been exposed to the thrill of it. When you find yourself with a dirty talk newbie, consider it an exciting adventure! The dirty talk newbie has no preconceived notions. He or she has not been “trained” to talk dirty to someone in a particular way, so there are no habits or rules that must be broken. Consider the dirty talk newbie to be a blank page on which nothing has been written, but the possibilities are endless.
Start out by talking about dirty talk in a non-threatening manner. This means you shouldn’t start the talk in bed! Wait until one of those moments when you are both joking around, and then bring up the fact that you would love to hear them talk dirty while they did that — or something along those lines. Trust yourself to know when the time is right. It’s one of those “say anything” moments that feels so good!
Once it’s brought up, you can begin to discuss it. Ask your partner how they would feel if you talked dirty to them. What would they like to hear? If they don’t know how to answer that, try a different approach — ask them what they do NOT want to hear. It’s often easier to pick out the few things that turn you off than make a whole list of the many things that turn you on, and dirty talk is much the same way.
Ease into the conversation. Though you might want dirty talk first thing tonight, hold your horses and pull back until your partner is ready. If you push, they will be more likely to push back, and that will get you nowhere. But if you stay open and bring it up from time to time, they will be more likely to explore.
After that initial discussion, you can start bringing up dirty talk in the bedroom. Ask simple questions that demand an answer: What do you want? Do you like this? Which way do you want it? What position do you want? Tell them to just answer — don’t think! The dirty talk that comes from simple questions can be hot, and that can make them understand that even deeper dirty talk is okay.
When they do open up to more, tell them what you think! Let them know that dirty talk is great, and that you want more of it. Tell them about your fantasies, your desires, and what words turn you on more than others. The more open you are about your own wants and needs, the more likely your partner will be ready to move into hotter dirty talk territory.