It’s a sad thing, but sometimes it happens. Your man has a dirty talk style that turns you completely off. You’ve tried dropping hints, leading by example, and talking about it as openly as you can without hurting his feelings. You might have even given him a copy of the Dirty Talk Guide in the hopes that he would read it and get a clue.
But it hasn’t happened, and you can’t take one more night. The dirty talk issue has become a deal-breaker. So the next time he approaches you with that gleam in his eye, how do you tell him you don’t want to hear it? Here are a few ways to make the blow easier:
Have the discussion in a “safe” place. This means you should have the discussion in a place where your partner can gracefully excuse himself. Never have the “I can’t stand your dirty talk” discussion in the bedroom, as that is the one place where he will feel most attacked, even if everything you say is absolutely as kind as you can make it. Perhaps do it while you are sitting in the living room, before things have a chance to get hot and heavy.
Lay it all on the line by pointing out the suggestions you have made, the Dirty Talk Guide you gave him, and other pointers that you tried to get across in a polite and subtle way. Before you have the conversation, make sure you have done all of these things, and that he has been given ample opportunity to change.
Don’t buy the “I’ll do better” line that he is likely to throw out. Don’t let him tell you that he hasn’t had time to think about it, or that he hasn’t noticed your “too subtle” hints, or that he hasn’t gotten a clue in all this time. You’ve given him plenty of ammunition, and the fact that he hasn’t used it means he’s comfortable enough that he won’t change…so it’s time to put your foot down.
Be ready for an emotional outburst — and then a lonely night. He’s likely going to get emotional, and he might attack you verbally, calling you names and the like. If that happens, take a deep breath and remember that he’s been hurt, he’s angry, and you are not really those things he says you are. Then be prepared for a lonely night, because sending him to the door is the best thing for both of you.