When you are in love and planning a future with someone, keeping secrets might not seem like a good thing. Every secret is a small brick in a wall between the two of you, and the more bricks you have, the harder it will be to climb over that wall.
But what about those secrets concerning your fantasies or your sexual past? Sometimes, talking about your secrets with your partner can cross the line into too much information – and that’s never a good place to be.
Here are some of the secrets it’s okay to keep for yourself:
That fantasy about his friend. So you’ve been lusting after that best friend and wondering how he looks naked…or your fantasies have involved getting it on with Mr. Forbidden in the moments before your live-in love comes home. What good will it do to tell your partner? Fantasies about friends and acquaintances are just that – fantasies. If you think it’s going to turn into something more, then maybe you should examine your relationship a little more closely. But if it’s just fun and games in the back of your mind, let it stay there.
That night of that drunken party. Sometimes, we do things that are fun at the time but regret it later. Ask anyone who has emblazoned the name of their love-for-the-moment on their body in tattoo ink, and then went through a breakup the next month. Doing wild sexual things when you are young and free is almost expected…but when it’s time to settle down, those memories can come back to haunt you.
Does your partner need to know about the time you had that foursome in college? Does he need to know about the guys at that frat party? Probably not…as long as you know for certain you have put it behind you. Were you tested for STDs after the incident? Are you sure there was no lasting physical harm done? If so, then you can keep it to yourself. If you’re not sure, then you need to get to the doctor right away…like, yesterday.
The ex you can’t forget. We all have that one person in our lives who totally blew our mind in bed. That same person might be in your past, but his technique is certainly not forgotten. The hottest lovemaking can be the things dreams are made of, and you might be hoping to recapture that feeling with your new love.
But unless you want to risk a serious ego bruise, you should never tell him how good the last lover was. You can always work on technique with your lover until you get as good in bed – or even better! – than your ex was. But there is no need to tell your new lover, and run the risk of opening up a wound that might never heal.
On a final note, never keep something very important from your lover. Little secrets about your past sex life won’t hurt anyone, but don’t keep the big secrets hidden…if you do, you will run into serious trouble down the road.