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Breakup 101: When Dirty Talk Becomes Dirty Laundry

We’ve all seen it happen. It’s the moment when the amicable breakup suddenly goes south. Someone decides the other person isn’t hurting enough, and they want to remedy that situation. They decide to drag things that happened in the privacy of the bedroom out into the light, in the hopes of striking back at the person they blame for their broken heart. What was once a great time between two committed people becomes…well, dirty laundry.

You have to admit, we love to see someone else’s drawers on the line, so to speak. That’s why there are tabloids at every checkout stand, a booming business based on prying into private lives. Every salacious remark, every naughty comment, is dissected mercilessly. It’s dirty laundry with a world-wide stage. But whether it’s on the front of the Enquirer or simply sent to your best friend’s cell phone, one fact remains the same:

Dirty laundry hurts.

How do you handle that moment when your ex-lover decides to forward those steamy emails to all his closest friends…all 200 of them in his email address book? How do you cope when those naughty pictures are posted on a social networking site for all the world to see? How do you take the high road when that video clip making the rounds is one of you on your knees, doing the things that come naturally?

Knowing your most private thoughts has become public fodder can be devastating. It’s the kind of exposure that can make you wish there were a hole somewhere, preferably one that led to an alternate universe, that you could crawl into and disappear. But there are ways to cope with the unthinkable breach of trust.

Make it Into “No Big Deal.” You’re not the first one to be exposed as kinky, and you won’t be the last. Keep in mind that those dirty things your ex-lover is saying about you aren’t just about you – they implicate him, too. So if someone asks you about it, you can tell them that the kinkiest thing they see concerning you isn’t the half of it – they should see what your ex-lover is really into!

Take the High Road. Do not sink to your ex-lover’s level. Don’t post pictures of them, reveal their most intimate secrets, or give them any reason to think you are being less than honorable. In the end, they will feel guilty about what they have done…don’t give them any excuse to feel otherwise. The way you conduct yourself in the face of such a sordid situation will be remembered!

Consider Legal Action. If your ex-lover continues on the path of outing your sexual kinks, consider whether legal action is in order. Sending photographs of you without your consent could be illegal, and that’s just for starters. Defamation laws are made just for situations like this, when the private information released by someone else could jeopardize your livelihood or your safety.

Nobody wants to deal with dirty laundry. But in the end, if you take the high road and show that while you might be kinky, you’re also full of upstanding character, it will all come clean in the wash – and your ex-lover will be the one who winds up looking like the bad guy.

About Denise Brienne

Confident, fun, well-rounded and sexy. Those are words that describe author Denise Brienne, a thirty-something woman who has a knack for giving the best advice to those who want to spice up their intimate relationships.

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