Unfortunately we live in a day and age where infidelity is more common than monogamy. A recent research study out of the University of Montreal tells us that anywhere between 40-70% of couples experience infidelity at some point in their relationships. That’s pretty high, and when you have been cheated on, very often the first thing that goes through your mind is, “What could I have done to prevent this?” In most cases of infidelity, there is little you can do as the cheating party will cheat regardless of any preventive measures you may put in place (such as keylogging the computer to ‘trap’ them in their deceit).
If you suspect cheating, or any form of lying in your relationship, you can however pick up a few of the lesser cues on non verbal behaviour that may help you determine how honest your partner is being. In this article, we uncover the least common lie detector cues that your partner may be giving you right now.
1. What is your gut telling you? Our instinct is right more often than it is not. If you have a sudden hunch that your partner just fibbed, you are probably right. Don’t ignore this instinct, but use it to look for other cues of fibbing or dishonesty.
2. Look for body tension. When we lie, our body naturally tenses up. Is your partner tense or taking on a rigid body stance? Are they sitting down with their foot wrapped around a chair leg for support? Are they gripping on an object while talking to you? Telling lies is stressful, so this kind of rigidity and support is used to instinctively “hold back” the whole story.
3. What are their hands doing? When you can see the palms of another person, this is a sign of openness and comfort. They have nothing to hide. If your partner is talking to you and stuffing their hands in their pockets or hiding them in some manner, they are subconsciously cuing you to dishonesty if you are having a tense discussion. It is instinctive to conceal one’s hands when we are lying, and often these will go behind the back, into the pockets, or used on an object like a pen or cell phone as distraction during a big lie.
4. Are they shrugging? Shrugging is a nonverbal means of brushing something off. If your partner is lying, they may shrug during their lie as this is a nonverbal means of cancelling out the truth. It’s the nonverbal equivalent of hiding your crossed fingers behind your back. This cue is also instinctive, so your partner may be shrugging without even realizing it. If this occurs when you’ve confronted them with an outright quest for truth, watch what your spidey senses tell you, they are probably right.
5. Are they covering their mouth? This is one of the more well known signs of dishonesty, but lesser known in the general public. When we lie, we know we are lying and we subconsciously try to behave in a manner to cancel out these untruths. If your partner is covering their mouth, or fidgeting around their lips with their fingers, or biting their lips, they are subconsciously trying to keep the truth from coming out.
Because we simply don’t know the truth in most instances of our partner’s deceit, non verbal cues are our best means to help us get to the bottom line. These five non verbal cues are all classic ways to help you get to the truth. And if you think your partner is lying but don’t see any of this here, chances are you may just be paranoid as these 5 cues are the most common, and the most instinctive elements of human nature. When it comes down to it, honest and open communication will always help you get to the bottom line and will help you decipher any cues your partner may or may not be giving you.