Here is a situation that almost every adult has been in at one time or another. Though the Friends with Bennies situation is very common amongst the 20 something crowd, it is increasing in popularity for the older generation as well. The Friends with Benefits situation is an ideal situation for many people looking to find a friend to simply blow off some steam with in a sexual manner with no strings attached. Sounds great if that’s all you are looking for, but more often than not the FWB clause can lead to some bitterness, disappointment, and even a lost friendship. If you are considering FWB, take a few tips from these do’s and don’ts to ensure you handle this situation as delicately as possible so that you can still have all the benefits, without a broken heart, and with your Friends List intact.
1. DO set your boundaries. That means, if this is only about the sexual benefits, you both need to be aware of this. Set your boundaries in terms of when contact can and can’t take place, and how long your fun sessions will be. Stick to a routine so that it becomes ingrained in each other’s heads, and this will leave for little veering outside of those boundaries for either of you. This is all about the deed, and not at all about ANY relationship. If you can’t stick to your own boundaries, you aren’t ready for this relationship.
2. DON’T have expectations this “might” turn into something. This is much harder for women than men, even when women initiate the FWB clause. Many women go into this thinking they will just “transform” a sexual relationship into something else. This is a very fast way to lose a friend. If you do this unexpectedly to a man, he will resent you and withdraw. Now you’ve lost your friend, and your sexual fun man. When a man agrees to FWB, that’s what he wants, nothing more, nothing less.
3. DON’T go into FWB if you have true romantic feelings for this person. This is very similar to rule #2, but applies more to those of you that already have feelings for someone and are considering this as your way “in”. Though there have been cases where FWB transforms into something else, this is not the norm. Going into this hoping the person will start feeling the way you do is the wrong way. Find another avenue to get their attention, but don’t use sex for it.
4. DO be honest. If things start getting sticky or messy, or if you’ve met someone that wants to be exclusive, you need to lay it all out on the table. One of the most beautiful things about a FWB situation is that it is one of those rare relationships in life where honesty and bluntness is the foundation. Use this to be the easy breezy you that you are, and lay it out there when you need to. Anybody that can’t handle the truth isn’t meant to be your FWB buddy anyway, and you will just move along.