There are very few people that are sexually active that are not interested in one way shape or form to add a little spark to their love life. Whether you are in a relationship or not is almost a moot point, if you have been having sex for a while in your life, it may be time for you to try something new. Very often, the first sign that you are ready to go ahead and add a twist into your love affairs is any thought that crosses your mind that is less than conventional. For many people this is known as “the fantasy”. Some people have them, and some people don’t, and whether you do or do not does not make you any less “normal” than the next person. If you have experienced your own set of fantasies, then you have taken the first step to wanting more in your love life. But how do you do this without making your partner or prospective partner cringe? A little dirty talk is all you need, and you can use these few tips to get the conversation started.
1. Forget what is normal or abnormal. This is a day and age and a society where sexuality is enjoyed and celebrated, and much more than you think. You may be one of the most conservative people you know, but you may be surprised to discover that this is not the case. There is no such thing as normal or abnormal anymore when it comes to sex. If you aren’t hurting any one or any thing in the process of your fantasy, then by all looks and counts, what you are considering is probably going to be a lot of fun for you. You can forego this “abnormal” or “weird” feeling by looking up your particular fantasy online. Here you will find an entire community that is interested in exactly the same thing you are. This should tell you enough that you are not alone, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with going after what you want.
2. Ask your partner first. This is one case where the effect of mirroring comes into play. This is a communication tool that you can use to begin a conversation that ends with a discussion of your needs. When you are lying in bed, watching television, or just hanging out together, just ask your partner if they have any fantasies they’ve never tried. Almost every sexually active person has a fantasy that they’ve never expressed out loud, but in reality, we are all just waiting for that door in the conversation to open. When you open that door, it gives your partner an entirely new perspective of you, and they will be glad that you did. Allow them, and maybe they will need some prodding, to share with you what they deeply desire. It may surprise you, and it may well just be that thing that you’ve been wanting to.
3. When you get stuck, use the “fake friend” or the “saw on TV” approach. The next step in this pivotal conversation will likely turn the tables. Your partner may not say a thing, or say hesitantly “I don’t know, fantasies? Really? Why? Is there one you have been thinking of?” When the talk of fantasy discussion comes into play turn taking almost always plays a factor. When you get this question, the door has been opened for you, and it’s your turn to open it. A little nervous? Who wouldn’t be? This is where the ‘fake friend’ or the ‘saw on TV’ approach works well. Episodes from Sex and the City or Nip/Tuck are great shows to refer to if you need to discuss one of your fantasies. You can be casual and say “I wonder what that must be like, don’t you?” At this point, you can rest assured that you won’t need our help anymore, as your partner is very likely to take it from there.