Ah yes, we all have those moments in a relationship or dating life that make our heads do a double take as we question with furrowed brows, “was he just lying to me?”. Before you start stalking his Facebook in-box, checking his email, or calling everyone in his cell phone, you want to take a breather here. It is no secret that men are good at telling little fibs now and then. It may be to get them out of trouble. It may be to keep them from getting in trouble. It may be that they just don’t want to hurt your feelings. More often than not, the biggest reason men tell little fibs to us is that they can’t handle confrontation. They think we are emotionally heated crazy people when we are mad, and they just don’t want to bother with the response you will give them. Tired of trying to figure him out? Use these cues to help get the truth out of him, without turning into that emotionally heated crazy lady.
1. Bring his guard down. When men lie, when anybody lies, they are putting a guard up. This is necessary to ensure the lie stays intact. Even if it’s a little one. Bring his guard down by being casual about your question. One suggestion is to sit on the floor, or on a level that is below his line of vision. This puts his guard down right away, as you are in a non threatening position. Do something casual like flip through a magazine or stroll through the channels on the TV and ask your question. If for example he told you he had a meeting when it was your BFF’s birthday, just casually ask as you flip through the pages “So how did that thing go anyway? Appear distracted and this brings his guard down, and you have a stronger success of getting him to talk. This feels like a routine conversation to him, and not an interrogation.
2. Never EVER accuse, even when you have solid proof. Accusing anybody of anything immediately puts them on the defensive, and you can guarantee yourself an argument if you start this up. This is not the time to test those tricks you’ve learned from Law and Order. Use the sentence, “Is there any reason why….” before you ask your question. “Is there any reason why you didn’t want to come to Sarah’s birthday party, just curious.” Again, you aren’t confronting him, and this sounds like a casual question. He may just say, “sorry hon, long day and I just wasn’t up to the whole girl thing, forgive me?” And then all you have to say is, “just be real next time babe, I missed you.” That sends him the message that it is safe to be honest with you in the future. Lie exposed, no fight, and you’ve seen some progress in your relationship — you both win here.
3. Don’t make him regret lying. This is an extension of the aforementioned trick. You need to show him that it’s safe to be honest with you, and your head won’t spin over the truth. By telling him WHY you wished he had been there, because you miss him, then you show him that it’s not really about the lie (it never is by the way) it’s about the reason it upset you. Thank him for being honest, as this assigns a trait to him that he wants you to think he has – honesty. “Thanks for being honest, I love how we can talk about everything together, it’s my favorite thing about us.” See? Don’t you feel better already? You’ve assigned him the trait of honesty, this becomes solidified in his mind, and now he WILL feel safer about being honest with you the next time around.