It seems sometimes like we women have the toughest jobs when it comes to relationships. We often feel like we are doing “all the work” and the men get off easy. The fact is, if this is the way that you are thinking, chances are your relationship may be headed for trouble before you even know it. There is no reason in the world where all the relationship “work” should be done by one person, and if this is the way you are feeling, it is probably time for a change. It may surprise you to know however that the problem here may lie in you, and specifically, in the way you handle your relationship. This is not to place blame by any means, but rather to help you step back and view the relationship from an objective and logical standpoint, rather than an emotional one. Men and women view relationships differently, even if you are both committed and both in love. Read on to find out 3 things that you may be doing that are affecting your relationship right this moment. If you find yourself “agreeing” or “understanding” any one of these points, it may be time to re-evaluate how you are functioning in this relationship, and reposition yourself so that you can both get the most out of this wonderful companionship.
1. You are focusing on ideals rather than reality. Every woman that has ever been in love is guilty of this one. We want our Prince Charming and the fairy tale wedding, and this is what we start thinking about when we’ve found “him”. Men don’t think of it this way, and take the relationship one day at a time in a logical rational manner. So when you ask him how he feels, you expect an emotionally articulate response because that is how you would respond. Then you get disappointed and frustrated with him when that doesn’t happen. You can’t put your expectations on him, and you can’t get upset at him for not thinking 10 years down the road like you are. Focus on what you do have today in this moment, and enjoy the beauty that is your relationship. Taking things one day at a time, instead of one relationship level at a time, will be appreciated by your man. The less pressure he feels, the more commitment he is likely to give you when he doesn’t feel tied down.
2. Your emotions are contagious. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who was mad at you? Was your first reaction to hug them and thank them for their love and support? No. So remember this point when you are talking to your man. You will get what you give. So give what you want back. Negative emotions are like a bad flu virus that won’t go away, and the effects of negative vibes are remembered much longer than positive vibes.
3. You are trying to be understood, before you understand. What this means is that you are spending a lot of time trying to beat a point into your man’s head, hoping that he GETS IT at some point finally, as opposed to really looking at where he is coming from. Before he will ever understand you and where you are coming, he wants to know that he is understood as well. Put yourself in his shoes when you are trying to communicate. Where is he coming from? When you fully understand this, you may not even need to be understood because you will already have a grasp on what his position is. Watch what happens when you do this. When he feels that he is being understood, he will open up to you and be more willing to see where you are coming from as well.