There are no two words in the English language that strike fear faster than ‘The Talk’. Here we have a situation that is fraught with anxiety and fear. Why? Because if The Talk does not go the way that you want it to, then the consequences can be devastating. And this is the case whether you are looking for a relationship or not. Who wants to lose someone that they have come close to, even if their relationship needs are not in sync? At the end of the day however, regardless of the outcome, The Talk can be quite liberating as if nothing else, you will end up with some solid answers on where you stand. And for any girl, there is nothing more valuable on earth than relationship answers. That being said, if you are entering The Talk zone, a zone where this conversation may come into play at any moment, then follow these three steps, in order.
Step 1 – For starters, ignore everything you have read about who The Talk needs to be initiated by. Many contemporary standards are still patterning themselves after old school methods, The Rules. Under these methods, under no circumstances whatsoever is a woman to initiate this talk. She needs to have the man ‘chase her’ and prove his worthiness. Hello ladies, this is 2009 and you CAN start this talk. In fact, if you are in a relationship that is going stale because you have no boundaries and you are over analyzing every ambiguity, then you NEED to have this talk. Outcome 1, your relationship grows and you are both on the same page, and very happy. Outcome 2, you don’t exactly get the answers you wanted, but now you know where you stand and can stop wasting your time.
Step 2 – Sober up. Don’t ‘pre-game’ yourself here, this isn’t the Superbowl. This is a relationship. Getting drunk or ‘unwinding’ with a few margaritas before The Talk will backfire. Oh yes, it is easy to want to just sip that wine a little more to muster up the bravado, but you have to consider what you are doing here. The Talk is an investment. Either into your relationship or into your future. You want to be clear headed for this one. The last thing you want is waking up the next morning trying to remember exactly who said what when. And we know you will be doing this because…well, that’s what women do sober or otherwise. Clear your head and prepare yourself for this moment. You’ll be fine.
Step 3 – Relax and realize that no matter what happens, this is not the end of the world. It could be very exciting for you in fact either way. This is a scary conversation, but when was the last time you read a headline where somebody actually died from having The Talk. Do you see the point? Relax. Again, Outcome 1 and you’re in relationship bliss. Outcome 2 gets you the answers you’ve been agonizing over for weeks. Either way, The Talk means you finally get to breathe a little.
Relax. Communicate. Celebrate.