Every woman has been here at least once. The Blowoff. You’re with a guy, connecting really great, maybe 5, 6 dates in, and you are finally starting to see things come to fruition. You are picturing yourself with this man on a long-term basis. You aren’t moisturizing your ring finger any time soon, but this is definitely looking good. Couldn’t be better actually. And then it hits you. The Blowoff. Where he distances himself from you slowly but surely. Texts aren’t getting returned, emails are being ignored, and you’ve filled up his voice mail box so you can’t even go there anymore. Why this is happening is not your problem, it’s HIS problem. But dealing with it is yours. How you handle this situation will definitely determine the rest of your relationship, so be sure to follow each of these steps to a tee.
1. Don’t panic. This WILL be your first response. What did I do wrong? What doesn’t he like about me? Why is he avoiding me? If he would only just pick up his phone so I could find out WHY. Again, the why is in his court, let him deal with it. Panicking is your worst response. Panicking will turn you into this woman who is needy, demanding, and very unattractive. All it will do is remind him of why he is keeping his distance. This is your time to take a step back and reflect, not overanalyze. If you don’t panic, he may even wonder why and make that first contact.
2. Put the phone down, put it down. That’s right. There’s a new term in this day and age of dating and it’s called text message terrorism. You don’t need to have that defined do you? No, you may have already committed this act, but you can get yourself out of it. Put the phone down, do it now, and don’t pick it up again unless you see his number on the call display. Do it. If you don’t, go back and read step 1. THIS is the most important step, if you handle this one well, the other two will fall into place.
3. Find something to do. Remember, this is his problem and his decision to step back, it is not yours. If it is early in the relationship, he probably started seeing long term signs for himself as well. Men freak out about this, even when they like it. And men don’t turn into whiny demanding men when they are freaking out. They step back and shut down a little. That’s what is actually happening, but to you it’s the Blowoff. If you truly want him to continue picturing himself with you, make yourself scarce, make him miss you. You know what they say, if it comes back to you….
The Blowoff is an awkward and painful experience, and it leaves us in fight or flight mode. In this case, it really isn’t you, it really is him. Remembering that the issue is his and not yours will help you get through these steps. You’ve had enough men experience to know that when a guy is ticked or upset with you, he lets you know quite clearly. When he needs some space to figure things out, give it to him. He will be glad you did, and your relationship will grow from it.