We all know how relationships work and the basics rules of gauging when to fold our cards and when to try and make something work. But every situation really is different, and for women, this notion often has us holding on to delusions and misguided beliefs in ‘signs’ that we over analyze ourselves into a relationship that doesn’t exist, or shouldn’t. The beginning of a relationship is the most difficult time for any woman, as this second guessing and over analyzing is in overdrive when we don’t know this person well at all.
This leads us into a common relationship mistake, having ‘The Talk’ too early. We’ve all been there, and we’ve all made this mistake. We do so using the excuse that time is ticking and we don’t want to waste our time with a man that isn’t ‘going in the same direction’. That is all well and good ladies, but pressuring him into a heavy conversation too soon is going to kill it fast for any man. Instead, take control of your own destiny, and pay attention to what he is doing or saying, or isn’t. When you are in the throes of a new relationship, before you weigh every pro and con about having ‘The Talk’, why not see if any of these essential clues have been dropped about the ‘future’ of your relationship.
1. How does he feel about his job or career? Is this something that has come up beyond your starter convo about what you both do when you aren’t answering online dating messages? Does he express a passion for his work, or does he even bring up little conversation starters about people he works with? If you know a little bit more about his work life beyond his job title, he is including you in his life life. Meaning, he is slowly drawing in details for you so that, should you ever meet anyone or experience his work first hand, he will know you are a good fit. Men and their work is very very important. If he is involving or including you in any detail, in a manner that becomes an entire conversation segment, then you know he is seriously considering you for long term potential.
2. What has he said about his last relationship? You have had this conversation with men before, and sometimes it has gone well and sometimes it hasn’t. First date is not the time for this conversation, but by date three or four, you have a right to any information he is willing to share. If you don’t know already, meaning, if he hasn’t offered this information yet (because you’re not supposed to be asking, remember) then by date three or four you can ask him when his last long term was, how long it lasted, and you may want to find out how it ended. Be casual, and intersperse your own story or two during this conversation, you don’t want to pounce here. His answers to all of these questions will give you an idea on where his head is at, and what your possibility is. If he is closed off, you will need to let this relationship simmer a bit. Not sure how to bring it up? While you are shopping, having coffee, whatever you are doing on date three, pop up with ‘Oh! I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the grocery store yesterday! I hadn’t seen him in FOREVER. Can you say AWKWARD?’ if he is into you, he will be just as casual with his questions, but they will come. If he really doesn’t care (about you seriously), then he will brush it off. “Oh really, that sucks. Wanna go to Tasty Delight?”
3. His Family. This is very much like his job situation. He is not going to mention any part of his family if he isn’t thinking of you seriously. Obviously, if he invites you to dinner with them, yes, major relationship step. If his clues aren’t so obvious, you may have to do some deciphering. If he has children, this is even a little easier. If he involves them, or any of his family members, in everyday date conversation, again, he is very slowly introducing you to an important part of his life. When he initiates these conversations, or slips into “my brother just saw that movie last week” kind of conversation clues, you can pick it up. “You have a brother? Older or younger? Are you two very close?” Again, if he clams up, let it go but don’t take this relationship seriously. If you hear a story or two from childhood, you’re in good shape girl.