Uh oh, spaghetti-oh. It’s happened. Despite every intention of yours, and his, to avoid the oops, it’s happened. Maybe it’s even happened more than once. Either way, the bedroom blunder is no time or place to start panicking. Take comfort in the fact that every one of us has been in the bedroom blunder situation. Sometimes it’s a small oops that is easily laughed off, sometimes it’s a big oops that leads right into the awkward pause and uncomfortable look. Bedroom blunders occur at the best and the worst of times, and with every couple on the planet at one point or another. Whether you have just started seeing this person, or whether they are your lifelong companion, it CAN happen to you. No matter what the oops is, big or small, there are ways of handling them without looking like you are about to have a panic attack. The key to overcoming the bedroom blunder is to forego the awkward pause button moment, and brush it off with sexiness and confidence. Let’s look at some of the most awkward bedroom blunders, and see if we can dirty talk our way out of them.
1. When the sails aren’t rising on the ship. We don’t want to sound too trite and say, this happens to everyone at some point. But the fact is, it really does. Mind you, these are not the first words you want to utter when this happens. If his tent isn’t pitching, his sails aren’t rising, and there are more softer moments than not, you will need to work a little harder at being sexier. A simple murmur and a kiss as you whisper in his ear “let’s just switch gears for a minute, lie back and relax and let me handle this”…and then follow through. And how you choose to “handle” this, is your business. Handle yourself, and him at the same time, and keep asking if he likes it. He will lead your way on this one. For the more adventurous dirty talker, throw in a dirty fantasy while you are manually stimulating him. Ask him to close his eyes and just listen to the sound of your voice, and concentrate on how good he feels….This problem should correct itself.
2. When the finish line isn’t getting crossed. This can happen to either one or both of you, and maybe even at the same time. This is usually a sign of additional stressors coming into play, work, life, the kids, etc. Too many distractions can put a serious block in our ability to fully ‘let go’ so don’t take this personally if it happens to you. Or to him. And you want to treat this with some gentility, because for him, this is a really big ego punch. If it happens, it’s best to just stop for a minute, snuggle a little, and take a break. Forcing something is only going to frustrate the both of you. While you are snuggling, talk in whispers and keep the tone light and sexy. Ask him if he wants to hear one of your fantasies. (he won’t say no by the way) Then share it with him, and include graphic details on either one or both of you crossing the finish line. Talk slowly and be very clear on what you are fantasizing about, using words like “I can’t wait until you explode inside me”…keep talking until he starts moving…and he will…because he will be visualizing the exact same thing. If the problem crops up again during the act, go right back into your fantasy and take him to that place where it is sure to happen. And he will.