You can hope it never happens to you, but you’ve heard the stories, and you know that it might. You probably have a friend or two who has dealt with infidelity. In fact, it doesn’t have to be physical – no hotel rooms involved. It can be right under your nose, right on the screen of your lover’s phone. Dirty texting with someone else should be considered a form of infidelity…
Or should it?
The great debate about what cheating is and isn’t is as familiar as Bill Clinton’s question of what “is” means. And it has just as many nutty answers. Some will say that if your lover didn’t touch the other person, then it’s not cheating…after all, it’s just text messages on a screen! There is nothing more to it than your lover getting off to porn or a dirty book.
But others will say that there is an emotional attachment there, because there is another person involved. They could also argue that your lover went looking for someone to text with instead of picking up that dirty magazine. If your lover was seeking it out, does that mean it’s cheating?
That’s the first step in dealing with the possible infidelity of your partner — decide whether you think it was cheating, and why. Do dirty text messages count? Why do you think so? What you think is a private thing, but KNOW what you think, for certain, before you confront your partner. You will probably argue about it, and you want to be able to state your case. So think long and hard about what constitutes infidelity and what is just “playing around.”
Then consider how to handle it from there. Should you tell your partner to lose the text ability on his phone if he wants to stay with you? Should you tell your girl to confront the person she’s been texting and tell them it’s over? Should you demand that you have the same rights, and both of you can text dirty to others as you please? Their reaction to that one will tell you whether they feel guilty or not — if they are adamant that YOU cannot dirty text someone else, then they know what they did was wrong, and you will know that they believe they cheated on you by doing it.
Keep in mind that from time to time, it’s easy to get caught up in a texting game that goes a bit too far. But the real problem comes in doing it over and over, or hiding it from your partner. Before the problem has a chance to take hold, sit down and have a long, intimate talk about what is okay in your relationship, and what is not. You will be glad you did.