Can dirty talk go awry? It’s unlikely, but possible. From time to time, someone is going to screw up in bed — and no, we don’t mean in a good way! Every now and then, despite your best of intentions, you will launch into dirty talk that doesn’t set well with your significant other. Something might pop out of your mouth in the heat of passion, something that you immediately with you could take back. How serious that dirty talk flub is determines how you should handle it.

If your dirty talk mistake is a very minor one, such as using a word that you know your partner doesn’t like — but it just slipped out — then you can get off the hook rather easily. After all, it’s a word that just came out of your mouth — it isn’t like you planned a dirty talk annoyance! Your lover will probably understand how that can happen, because they have likely done the same thing from time to time. Apologize for your dirty talk oversight, laugh it off, and move on.

Dirty talk that edges into uncomfortable territory is the next level, and that’s not as easy to fix. Perhaps you launched into a dirty talk scenario about the threesome you want to have, but your partner doesn’t want to give it a shot. Maybe you talked dirty about this naughty notion until your lover asked, “Have you really done that, or is it just dirty talk?” That kind of question, delivered in an accusing tone, can tell you that your dirty talk has struck a nerve — and not a good one. This is the kind of situation where you need to be very careful about your answers. “I want to do it with you” or “what do you think about doing it?” or anything that deflects the heat is a good thing.

If your dirty talk includes someone else’s name, or talking about a dirty incident that happened with someone else — and you make it clear by naming names — then you’re in deep trouble. That’s the kind of dirty talk flub that you really can’t explain away. You might be contrite, apologetic, and as loving as possible — but that doesn’t mean your lover will accept it. After all, you were thinking of someone else when you were in bed with them, right? How would you feel about such a thing if the situation were reversed?

If you have a very open and honest communication, this might be easier to overcome, but it’s still a big dirty talk mistake, and it still calls for a major apology.

Have you experienced a dirty talk mistake? How did it turn out?

Some people don’t talk dirty in bed simply because they have never been exposed to the thrill of it. When you find yourself with a dirty talk newbie, consider it an exciting adventure! The dirty talk newbie has no preconceived notions. He or she has not been “trained” to talk dirty to someone in a particular way, so there are no habits or rules that must be broken. Consider the dirty talk newbie to be a blank page on which nothing has been written, but the possibilities are endless.

Start out by talking about dirty talk in a non-threatening manner. This means you shouldn’t start the talk in bed! Wait until one of those moments when you are both joking around, and then bring up the fact that you would love to hear them talk dirty while they did that — or something along those lines. Trust yourself to know when the time is right. It’s one of those “say anything” moments that feels so good!

Once it’s brought up, you can begin to discuss it. Ask your partner how they would feel if you talked dirty to them. What would they like to hear? If they don’t know how to answer that, try a different approach — ask them what they do NOT want to hear. It’s often easier to pick out the few things that turn you off than make a whole list of the many things that turn you on, and dirty talk is much the same way.

Ease into the conversation. Though you might want dirty talk first thing tonight, hold your horses and pull back until your partner is ready. If you push, they will be more likely to push back, and that will get you nowhere. But if you stay open and bring it up from time to time, they will be more likely to explore.

After that initial discussion, you can start bringing up dirty talk in the bedroom. Ask simple questions that demand an answer: What do you want? Do you like this? Which way do you want it? What position do you want? Tell them to just answer — don’t think! The dirty talk that comes from simple questions can be hot, and that can make them understand that even deeper dirty talk is okay.

When they do open up to more, tell them what you think! Let them know that dirty talk is great, and that you want more of it. Tell them about your fantasies, your desires, and what words turn you on more than others. The more open you are about your own wants and needs, the more likely your partner will be ready to move into hotter dirty talk territory.

What is taboo in the bedroom? You already know what turns you on, and you probably already know what taboos turn you off. But something that is very taboo for you, perhaps on the fringe of your sexual desires, can push you just close enough to the edge that your sexy time becomes damn near explosive. Which of these taboos get your motor running?

Dirty talk. Many women are averse to dirty talk at first. Why? For a very long time, women have been told their sexual desires are not to be spoken of in the light of day, and they have been made to feel shame for having taboo fantasies that are anything outside the norm. Dirty talk can feel taboo because you’re finally talking about it! And you’re talking about it in a very explicit, sometimes even crude manner. Once you understand why dirty talk feels so taboo, you can learn to embrace it even further, and build a rapport with your lover that is second to none.

Stripping or lap dances. There’s another serious taboo that’s hard to break! There is nothing wrong with appreciating the body of a fellow female. It doesn’t mean you are a lesbian, and that tends to be the sticking point for many women when it comes to accompanying their partner to a strip club. There is also the element of jealousy, and wondering if the women on the stage turn on your man more than you do. But you can break that taboo by buying a few lap dances for yourself, and letting yourself enjoy the experience of watching a beautiful body move. You can even rack up some pointers!

Porn. The outcries of how porn dehumanizes women, making them into objects rather than people, has long been a topic for debate, and one of the main points for those who would like to eradicate the porn industry altogether. But indulging in porn, both as a couple and alone, can open up doors to things that you might have never considered. If you really are concerned about the objectification of women, look for porn that was created by couples or by women themselves.

Sex toys. Even the most enlightened woman might blush when confronted with a massive dildo or interesting vibrator, and why not? The pleasure will be intense! But sex toys are often seen as a way to fill a void in a lackluster sex life, rather than as a way to enhance the good things you already have. Sex toys often give the wrong impression when they are first introduced in the bedroom, and that can make it seem taboo for both partners. But the more comfortable you become with sex toys, the more likely you will be to use them, over and over again.

Want to have the time of your life in bed? Combine all four taboos at once, and your lovemaking will never be the same!

It’s a sad thing, but sometimes it happens. Your man has a dirty talk style that turns you completely off. You’ve tried dropping hints, leading by example, and talking about it as openly as you can without hurting his feelings. You might have even given him a copy of the Dirty Talk Guide in the hopes that he would read it and get a clue.

But it hasn’t happened, and you can’t take one more night. The dirty talk issue has become a deal-breaker. So the next time he approaches you with that gleam in his eye, how do you tell him you don’t want to hear it? Here are a few ways to make the blow easier:

Have the discussion in a “safe” place. This means you should have the discussion in a place where your partner can gracefully excuse himself. Never have the “I can’t stand your dirty talk” discussion in the bedroom, as that is the one place where he will feel most attacked, even if everything you say is absolutely as kind as you can make it. Perhaps do it while you are sitting in the living room, before things have a chance to get hot and heavy.

Lay it all on the line by pointing out the suggestions you have made, the Dirty Talk Guide you gave him, and other pointers that you tried to get across in a polite and subtle way. Before you have the conversation, make sure you have done all of these things, and that he has been given ample opportunity to change.

Don’t buy the “I’ll do better” line that he is likely to throw out. Don’t let him tell you that he hasn’t had time to think about it, or that he hasn’t noticed your “too subtle” hints, or that he hasn’t gotten a clue in all this time. You’ve given him plenty of ammunition, and the fact that he hasn’t used it means he’s comfortable enough that he won’t change…so it’s time to put your foot down.

Be ready for an emotional outburst — and then a lonely night. He’s likely going to get emotional, and he might attack you verbally, calling you names and the like. If that happens, take a deep breath and remember that he’s been hurt, he’s angry, and you are not really those things he says you are. Then be prepared for a lonely night, because sending him to the door is the best thing for both of you.

You know how embarrassing it can be when you dial the wrong number and hear a strange voice on the other end of the line. Sometimes you stammer your way through the “I’m sorry” before you hang up, and then you wonder how you could have made such a mistake in the first place. Now, imagine that same kind of embarrassment, only multiplied by hundreds — because you just sent a sexy text message to the wrong person!

What can you do when you make the ultimate in texting flubs?

First, apologize immediately. Send a simple “I’m so sorry for that last text” to the person who received the text. If it was a friend, you can make a joke about it and then you can both blow it off as though it were nothing — which, among friends, it really was nothing. You might get some good-natured ribbing, but you can handle that, right?

If the text was sent to someone who might be angered by it, such as an ex or even your mother, the apology needs to go a bit further. Send the apology and then follow it up with a phone call explaining yourself. You don’t have to tell them who it was for or what you are doing with your text time, but you do need to apologize for the fact that you sent the text without paying much attention to who would receive it.

If the text goes to a professional contact, then you have a much bigger problem. After all, your mother might be offended by your behavior, but she will forgive you. Your boss, on the other hand, doesn’t have to forgive you. In fact, your boss holds quite a bit of power over you, and so do your colleagues and clients. So when you apologize to them, make it very formal and clear. “Last night I sent a text that mistakenly went to your number. There is no excuse for this. My private time should be kept private, and I deeply apologize that for that brief moment, it was not as private as it should have been. I hope this incident does not undermine your faith in my abilities, and I assure you, it will never happen again.”

If you happened to send a picture with the text, then the situation gets even stickier. This is one that you will have to handle one-on-one, behind closed doors, and hash it out between the two of you. Nothing screams “sexual harrassment” like sending a sexy picture to a coworker or boss, no matter what the circumstances were. This requires serious and immediate damage control!

Avoid the sexting problem in the future by making absolutely certain that your text is going to one person, and one person only. Double-check the name you are sending to, and then double-check again, just in case. After you have sent your texts, look over the sent files at the end of the day to make certain everything went where it was supposed to go. And if in doubt, don’t send a text — pick up the phone and call instead!

Many people wonder if their fantasies are normal, or something that many other members of the population share. But how can you possibly know? Many people keep their fantasies close to the vest, and never speak of them in polite company. Even when you find someone who is willing and open to talking about their fantasies, how do you know that you’re really getting the full picture? After all, someone who is open to talking about it might be saying what you want to hear, or what they think you want to hear…right?

But over time, some fantasies have become more mainstream, and a few more obvious ones have risen to the top of the fantasy pile. How can you tell if your more kinky fantasies are “normal” or really, really “out there”?

You want to be spanked. Many people have a spanking fantasy or fetish. For some, it stems from issues in their childhood that have gone unresolved. But for many, many others, the spanking fantasy is one of control and punishment. They love the thought of being naughty and then paying the price for their overt flouncing of the rules. The spanking partner might love the thought of doling out a fun punishment that enhances a roleplaying game, or maybe they just love the feeling of a warm, freshly-spanked ass.

You want to be gang-banged. Multiple partners has been a big fantasy of many people over the years. Why do you think threesomes are so popular? The need to be gang-banged by multiple men (or women) might have many reasons behind it, but the more obvious and popular is the desire to take or give as much pleasure as possible.

You want to give up control. Those who are always in control, especially those in high-powered jobs of situations, need a break from the constant need to perform. Giving up control, whether it be by letting themselves be tied up, following commands and orders, or giving themselves over to the psychological bonds of BDSM, those who want to give up control don’t so much see it as an option as a necessity.

You want to be humiliated. Taking the control fantasy a step further, those who want to be humiliated in front of other people, or simply in front of their partner, are ready for a more advanced step into the world of BDSM. Many people desire this; in fact, there is an entire underground movement devoted to the “slave” sex that so many people desire. As time goes on, the kinkier areas of the movement are becoming more mainstream, if not more accepted by society as a whole.

You want to get rough. The need to get rough and enjoy that hard, pounding sex that you crave is one of the most popular fantasies that both men and women share. Sex is not always wine and roses, and does not always have to be romantic — in fact, many people prefer a good, rough tumble that delights all of the senses and allows you to release some aggression while pleasing someone else at the same time.

So…are you normal? Do you have some fantasies you want to discuss? Let us know!

Who doesn’t like to show off a bit? Even the most introverted of us have moments of wanting to be recognized for something, even if that recognition is only from one person among a sea of people. That’s part of the appeal of public dirty talk — the sea of people around you has no idea what is really going through your head, and the only person who truly knows is the person who is hearing those naughty words you whisper into their ear.

Doing anything in public, whether it’s a naughty whisper or a spank on the butt, can whip your emotions and your libido into a frenzy of want and need. Not sure how to begin with the public dirty talk? These tips can help you figure out what to say and when to say it.

In a crowded room…When you and your lover are in a crowded room, such as a bar or a nightclub, sultry dirty talk is the name of the game. If the music is too loud to hear yourselves think, make sure you lean in close to say what you need to say. Talk about the throbbing beat, the rhythmic lights, or the nearly-naked bodies on the dance floor. A possessive hand on the thigh will drive your point home even further.

In a quiet room. Give your lover that special look from across the room. Whisper something naughty as you walk by, and make a game of “meeting” in the room as often as you can without drawing suspicion to yourself. Tell your lover how you would like to bend them over the buffet table, or how you can’t wait to meet them in the bathroom in an hour. Let the anticipation build with every quick phrase you utter into their ear, and let your smile say the rest. You’ll be ready to claw each other out of your clothes in no time!

At that dinner party. Sit close together and talk to your partner about what you want to do to them with the things in front of you. Is there a nice slice of fruit on your plate? Tell them where you want to put it, and how you want to eat it. Tell your lover how wet or hard you are, and how you want to get out of there early and fuck in the car. Or talk about your fellow dinner companions — who would be up for a threesome? An orgy? Who is cheating and who is not?

At the office. Get on your dirty talk while at the office by texting, sending post-it notes in office correspondence, and other small dirty talk ideas that heighten the thrill of what you will do when work is over…or when you can sneak away to the supply closet for some “inventory.”

Think you can’t talk dirty at work? Think again. There are plenty of ways to start talking dirty while you’re supposed to be handling those reports or working on that big project. Is it wrong to spend time talking dirty at work? It probably is…and that’s why it’s so much fun!

You spend way too much time surfing the internet while you should be working — come on, you know you do. Studies show that up to 90% of us are looking for ways to waste our time. Why not put that extra time to good use and talk dirty to your partner instead?

Here’s how.

Use web-based instant messenger. Many workplaces have rules against using instant messenger on your computer; and sometimes they will allow you to do it, but will save your messages to be read over later, if they so choose. If your computer system doesn’t have a keystroke counter or other device to spy on you, try using a web-based messenger service like e-Buddy. These services allow you to log on via the web, install nothing on your computer, and log out with one click.

If you have control of your own computer and can set the history tabs, make certain that your history is set to record zero days. It is also a good idea to check the box that allows you to remove all personal information when you close a browser window. By doing this, no one will be able to look back over your history, and your secret is safe.

Learn how to text naughty messages, and keep a very quiet phone on your lap at all times. Even vibrations can be heard, so make sure your phone is set to silent, but you can still see the screen light up. When you do choose your next phone, test out the buttons — do they click when you press them? They should be utterly silent if you want to use them for dirty talking via text while you’re at work.

Never, ever use your work email. In fact, don’t have your lover’s email address anywhere in your contact list on your work email. This prevents you from accidentally using that work email to send a message to them, one that could easily be traced back to you, and just might get you fired. Always use your personal email account, and be sure to close it immediately after sending your email. Make this a habit! Remember switching the history to zero? If you close down the email and shut the browser each time, that email history won’t show up.

Can’t use the computer at all? Take a “smoking break” and get some privacy outside while you text or call your lover. If you always check your own mail, start a game where you send each other naughty cards at work, and don’t let anyone else see what you’re opening up. Finally, don’t forget the bathroom — hide in a stall and get off while you read the steamy texts your lover has sent.

But be quiet! You want to keep your little secret, don’t you?

Sometimes it seems like the whole internet is talking dirty. So it can be easy to assume that everyone wants to hear your dirty talk. But when you’re playing on a community forum on the internet, keep in mind that there are hundreds, if not thousands of people reading what your write, each with their own different opinions, kinks, and desires.

So where does the talking dirty etiquette begin? Let’s start by talking about your handle and your profile.

Your handle should reflect who you are but not give away too much at the same time. Using your real name is a big no-no most of the time, depending on how open you can be with your sexual encounters and flirtations on a public forum. Choose something that reflects what you like…LovesBlowJobs might be a good one, but it might also make someone think you’re a man, which is a bad idea if you’re a woman! Take the time to figure out your handle, and make sure it’s something you can live with for a long time.

Your profile should include all the naughtiness you desire, but keep in mind that if you give too much away, a lot of the mystery and intrigue will disappear. And that mystery is what drives many community forums and message boards!

When you are talking about sex in general on an open forum, you should never, ever name names. Don’t call anyone out for anything at all. By sticking to this simple rule, you keep yourself out of hot water, and the rules of karma are bound to be kind to you.

When you want to talk to someone via private message, go for it — but don’t bombard them with your desires from the start. Simply message them to say hello. If it seems the attitude of the board is to ask for permission before going to a private message, then ask! The only “wrong” thing to do is jump into a message with a request of having your dick sucked, your pussy fucked, or the like. Consider the first message the “hello and how do you do” handshake.

Don’t get into flame wars with anyone, especially not with someone who has very different views than you do. In a flame war, no one comes out looking beautiful, no matter who was in the wrong to begin with. Don’t stoop to that level, and use your handy little “ignore” or “block” button if you must.

Finally, if you find a thread where the dirty talk is the norm, have at it! Who says nasty talk has to be held back and used only for private encounters? If you’re in the mood to tease and titillate while you’re online, there are plenty of places that will welcome your dirty talk with open arms, so find one — and let your fingers go wild!

Talking dirty to your partner can be hot. But talking dirty to your partner while playing with a naughty little sex toy can be even hotter. The thought of using a sex toy in bed is still taboo for some — hard to believe in this enlightened sexual age, but it’s true!

How do you blend dirty talk, your sex toys, and your partner into the hottest night ever? How do you do such things without making your partner feel a bit worried about the sex toy? Many men worry that they can’t please their woman without the intense stimulation that a vibrator can offer, or they are concerned that she likes the vibrator more than she likes him. How can you overcome that feeling?

You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers. Read on!

Use your vibrator as a tool, not as the main event. By making it clear that the vibrator or other sex toy is simply a little “help,” you will alleviate your partner’s fear that he could be replaced by that Battery Operated Boyfriend.

Use sex toys on him! Choose a sex toy that is specifically made for men, such as a cock ring or a pocket pussy. Then go to town with the fun! Make playing with the sex toy something that focuses on him and what he needs, and make up a fantasy to go with it. When he’s fucking that pocket pussy while you watch, it can be easy to talk dirty to him about that other woman he’s boning, and how much you love watching him do it.

Use sex toys to take the pressure off. Did he come and you didn’t reach the finish line yet? Tell him to lie back, relax, and watch while you do it yourself. He might welcome the opportunity to just lie back and watch what you do, and it takes away the pressure of having to “perform” after he’s already had an orgasm and is feeling sleepy.

Introduce fantasies with your sex toys. As we mentioned a moment ago, using the pocket pussy to simulate another woman in bed with you is just one of the many fantasies you can act out with your sex toys. Why not have that gang bang you’ve always wanted? Why not make him suck a dick — while you watch and direct? It might not happen in real life, but it can definitely happen with sex toys!

The best way to ease sex toys into your dirty talk is to make them fantasies…make them accessible…and remember that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander!

Okay, so we love to hear you talk dirty to us, guys. We love to hear all about what you want to do and how you want to do it, preferably with the most colorful words we can imagine. We want to see your fantasies in our heads while we’re in bed with you. We want to share in your every wild sensual dream, and have our own orgasm while doing it.

But what we might not want to hear about is your ex…and how bad the sex was…and how you tried this position or that one, but nothing seemed to get her off…and we certainly don’t need to hear about what your ex loved in bed. There are just some things, my friend, that are “TMI” — too much information!

What do you do when you’re confronted with the guy who just won’t shut up about things that don’t matter to the current relationship? It’s important to know if any of his previous partners had an STD or if they might pose some threat to your time together (like a psycho ex-girlfriend floating around somewhere), but beyond that, do you really need to know how she liked her fucking?

When it comes to a TMI guy, there are two ways to tell him he’s crossed the line. One is to show how uncomfortable you are, through your body language and the look on your face. You can also simply tell him, “I’m not sure that is something I’m supposed to know about someone else,” and let him take the hint. However, many TMI guys are oblivious to hints like that, and they simply want to talk and talk and talk…

The second way is to be blunt, and in most cases, that’s what you will have to do. The TMI guy is focused on the wrong things, and he needs a firm push in the right direction. What happened with his ex did help shape who he is, but that doesn’t mean she deserves space at the table for two you’ve reserved for this relationship.

Tell your TMI guy flat-out that you don’t want to hear about his ex, and then explain why: Talking about her takes him back to the past, and it’s time to move forward. You don’t need to have every nuance of his personality — and why it got that way — explained to you. That’s part of the fun of the relationship as you learn about each other, and you want to get the long version, not the Cliff Notes Ex-Girlfriend Version.

If your TMI guy has a problem with that, then maybe he’s not ready to let go of his ex, and he needs to get his house in order, so to speak, before you can have something lasting and meaningful. State your case for the TMI overload, and then let your guy decide if he’s ready to move forward, or if he wants to continue to live in the past.

All this talk about romantic dirty talkers got me to thinking…is there such a thing as too much hardcore dirty talk? If you’re a dirty-talking lover like me, you probably don’t think that anything is off-limits, and the hottest dirty talk is also the most taboo! But I asked around a bit, and found that yes, there are women who feel there is a time and place for everything…especially that hardcore dirty talk.

A good friend of mine told me the story of a man who thought trying out everything under the sun would work. Kinda like throwing spaghetti at a wall to see if it sticks. “On our first date, he told me he wanted to fuck me hard, suck my pussy juice, and whip my tits into a frenzy,” she said. “Oh, and he called his dick a “saber.” No kidding.”

Needless to say, she was laughing too hard to help him get his saber up, and so they didn’t have a second date.

So when does a man know it’s time to break out the hardcore jewels? My friend Marian and I discussed it and came to this conclusion: It’s time to talk hardcore when she gives you the signal that it’s okay. But even then, chose your words wisely. “I don’t want to run through twelve fantasies before he hits on the one that gets me going,” she said. “Start out talking about one in particular — maybe about fucking me while all your exes watch with envy — and stick with the program. Allow me time to sink into the fantasy, and your hardcore tricks are going to work! It’s just a matter of time.”

Time. Patience. Choosing your words. Most of all, jumping on a scenario and sticking to it. Not every word out of your mouth has to be hardcore…in fact, sometimes less really is more. If you place a carefully chosen “fuck, you’re so damn sexy” somewhere in the lovemaking, it has more effect than a constant litany of how sexy we are. It gives the impression that you really mean what you’re saying — and you do, right? — and if we think you mean it, the more turned on we’re going to get. Nothing is hotter in bed than being yourself, the genuine article.

As long as you’re not waving a saber, Skywalker. I’m just sayin’.

So you’ve found yourself a great guy, but there’s one problem: He’s a romantic dirty talker. You know the type: They are hellbent on never offending you in bed, and they would be happy with classical music, rose petals, and soft lovemaking every time you get naked.

How can you convert the romantic dirty talker into the hardcore dirty talker? It can be done! Before you scream with frustration, try these tips to bring out the beast in your Fabio:

Lead him gently into dirty talk. Start out by saying the soft, sensual things you know he wants to hear. But as the action heats up, let your dirty talk heat up, too. He will probably take the hint and say things a bit more raunchy, but then again, he might ignore what you’ve said and continue on his romantic path. If that happens, try it again the next time…and the next time…and then…

Turn it up a notch. If he still hasn’t caught the hint, invite him to watch a soft porn film with you. Often these films will be a bit less raunchy, and will use softer language. Watch it beforehand so you know you won’t shock him with the content, and then snuggle in to watch the show. Make a point of moaning and squirming when the good dirty talk starts. Your body language will make things clear. But if it doesn’t…

Try something different. Tell your lover you want to try something new and different, and ask if he’s game. Then, tie him to the bed. Blindfold him if you think that will drop his inhibitions even further. While you ravish his body, talk dirty to him in a way that turns you on but doesn’t push his boundaries too far. Use coarse language, but save the hardcore fantasies for another day. This is meant to ease him into it. When you’re done and he’s basking in the afterglow, ask him how he liked the naughty side of you?

Have a frank, honest talk. If subtlety doesn’t work — and it probably won’t — it’s time to have a sit-down discussion about what you need. Your lover might be surprised to see that he has missed every sign you gave him, and will welcome the chance to step things up a notch. But if he’s appalled that a lady like you would dare to think hardcore dirty talk was sexy, then you might have to — sadly — go your separate ways. Be prepared for either situation when you do sit down to have “the talk” and hope for the best!

For most of us, dirty talk is hot, sexy, and can often stray into the realm of taboo subjects. Dirty talk is meant to be filthy, blush-inducing naughty words that can make your whole body tingle with the thrill of something so illicit.

But from time to time, there comes a person who doesn’t like the filthy smut that falls so easily from your lips. They have entirely different ideas of what turns somebody on, and they are determined to use those ideas. They make the kind of comments that don’t turn you on so much as they make you roll your eyes and long for something…well,l something dirty.

You’ve just met the romantic dirty talker.

The romantic dirty talker is often someone who believes in the power of love and romance. They think sex is a spiritual experience, and should be revered as such, each and every time you get naked together. They don’t want to say anything to offend you while you’re in bed. Even more, they want you to know exactly how they feel, in every emotion-laden detail.

The romantic dirty talker can nip passion right in the bud. They don’t mean to do it — they simply think that what turns them on is what gets you off, too. They like to imagine you in a silk robe, dipping a toe into a warm bubble bath, candles everywhere, and rose petals on the waiting bed. They like to take every love scene from a classic movie and act it out in their own bedroom. The thought of acting out something from a porn movie is appalling at best, and a relationship-breaker at worst.

So how do you handle the romantic dirty talker?

In a case like this, there are two options. First, you can hope that your partner is open-minded and willing to try some naughtier talk on for size. Who knows? They might find their inner slut and shock you with all those dirty words they have kept under lock and key for so long! In this case, you won’t know until you ask, so have an honest, frank discussion about what turns you on, and what doesn’t. You will know from their reaction if there is hope for getting down and dirty.

The second option happens when you realize your partner is truly not into the raunchy stuff, and wants only candlelight and romance. If you simply can’t stomach the touchy-feely romance they want to have with you, then it’s time to make some hard decisions about the relationship you’re in. Dirty talk is a component of a good sex life, and if you are the kind who loves the raunch, chances are you will be very unhappy, every soon. And that spells doom for your relationship.

Is your partner open-minded? Are they willing to give it a go? Next week we’ll talk about how to ease your partner into naughty dirty talk without scaring them away!

Anything goes when talking dirty, right? Dirty talk is all about fantasies, roleplaying, desires, and being non-judgmental. Sure, there are certain words and phrases you might not like, but everyone has their own kinks, right?

But there are a few dirty words that shift all that hot lovemaking from the realm of “Oh, yes!” to “What the hell was that?” So without further ado, here are some of those dirty talk phrases that might be best avoided…unless your kinks are, you know, really kinky:

You like it when Daddy plays with your Vaggy? First, slang terms that make vaginas sound like toys are usually the kind of thing that will make a woman laugh out loud, which doesn’t set the mood. And unless you are in a dominant/submissive relationship where “Daddy” means “Master,” you might be pushing the boundaries a bit with the Daddy reference.

Oooh, look! Your pee-pee has a rashy! If you are into infantile fantasies, have at it…but if you are in a straightforward, simple-kinks relationship, this is the kind of comment that makes us want to head for the hills…or the gynecologist.

Your sex is so moist. This makes you sound so terribly like a historical romance novel, darling, and it doesn’t work to light the fire. Instead of using “sex” try using something a bit raunchier, like pussy…and moist? Well, simply point out how wet she is will do.

Look at that wee adorable peen! Okay, ladies…this one is all for you. If you must call his dick something, make it something manly! Wee means small, adorable brings to mind fuzzy kittens, and “peen” is just…well, peen.

Splooge, boink, potty, etc. Cute and fun words are great if you have known each other for a while and have inside jokes between the two of you…but if you are just getting started, use these words sparingly! Some might laugh you right out of bed, while others might think you were just…well, weird.

Of course, talking dirty with a partner should come with an air of acceptance, and anything that is said should be considered as something blurted in the heat of the moment. After all, when was the last time you carefully measured your words when you were on the cusp of a mind-blowing orgasm?

But if your partner says something that annoys you, pisses you off, frightens you, or otherwise turns your dirty talk experience into a negative rather than a positive, talk to them about it! Don’t stay silent and deal with it. Communication and intimacy can ensure that the words in the above list don’t make it into your dirty talk session…unless, of course, you want them to, you naughty peen!

Talking dirty is like riding a bicycle. Even if you are out of touch with your dirty talk mojo for a while, you can always get it back rather quickly when you try out the fun with a new partner. But how do you go from riding that bicycle to roaring along on that mountain bike with the tight springs and racing tires?

Okay, bad analogy, but you probably get my drift. How do you make even the hottest dirty talk hotter? There is always room for improvement. Even if you are the ultimate dirty talker, you can still tweak your technique. Here’s how to do it — and in only one easy step.

The simple rule is this: Before you can be an excellent dirty talker, you have to be a fantastic dirty listener.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? The only problem with that is the way we’re wired. When we get nervous or worried about performance, we tend to talk too much, or to try too many things at once. We try to find something that works, even if that means a frantic search. So in our nervousness, we talk all kinds of dirty…but never really slow down to listen.

The next time you are in bed with someone and your dirty talk mojo is not clicking like it should, take a deep breath and simply shut up. Don’t talk. Just listen. Listen to what your partner says, the inflection in their voice, the words they use the most. Pay attention to what they are asking you for, not only with their words, but with their body. When you learn what they want, you will be able to provide it with your dirty talk ideas and phrases.

A very good example of this is the “cunt and pussy” taboo. Some women prefer the word pussy, some prefer cunt, some prefer neither. How do you know which woman are dealing with? You listen! What does she call those body parts? Is she into raunchy words, and loves to talk about her cunt, or does she prefer something a bit softer, and refers to it as her pussy?

You can gauge the dirty talk temperature by simply listening to what your lover says to you. Find what they like and need before you whip out the good stuff, and you will know just how far to go. After all, generic dirty talk is hot…but dirty talk that is obviously tailored to YOU and your desires is even hotter.

When you first began getting into dirty talk, you probably paid attention to every little detail that would rev up your dirty words. Talking naughty took you to new heights, both on a personal level and in your relationship. You were having fun, baby, and so was your lover!

But over time, that dirty talk might have become a bit tame, and you might be a bit frustrated with your lover…and you don’t understand why. Doesn’t he know what you like? Doesn’t she hear enough of your fantasies to know where to go from here? Isn’t your dirty talk hot enough to strip the wallpaper?

Well, yes…and no.

The biggest dirty talk blunder you can make is something that you might already be doing, but you just don’t realize it. The mistake is something that every person makes from time to time, but righting the wrong is as easy as recognizing the problem. Have you guess what that blunder might be?

When you expect someone to “know” you inside and out because they have been with you for a certain amount of time or shared enough of a history with you, you are doing both you and your lover a major disservice. You are expecting them to know how you have grown and changed during that time.

You are expecting them to read your mind.

No matter how well you and your lover know each other, and no matter how long you have been together, or how deeply your “soul mate” title goes, the fact remains: You are growing and changing every day, whether you are in a relationship or not. What you liked last year is probably still on the menu, but other things might have joined in, rounding out the full meaning of who you are. Things that interested you last year might have fallen to the wayside, simply because you got bored with them, or because you’re attention has broadened to include more exciting things.

If you ever reach that point where everything your lover says seems to be wrong, take a long look at yourself. Have you told your partner about your new fantasies? Have you shared new dreams? As you grow and change, are you inviting your partner along for the ride, or just assuming they know you well enough to “get” what you’re thinking?

In essence, are you expecting your lover to read your dirty mind?

Sometimes the mind-reading fantasy works out, and you are both on the same page. But that’s more by coincidence than divine intervention. Before you get upset with your lover for “doing it wrong” remember to tell them what you are thinking. If you share your fantasies, both new and old, your lover will be more inclined to follow your lead…and you will once again feel as though your soul mate is reading your mind!

Have you wondered what you can do to heat up your text messages even further? When it seems like your sexting is as hot as it can be, guess what? There’s even more you can do!

Most phones these days have a camera attached to them, and the ability to send photographs just as easily as you send a text. Much has been said about the dangers of cell phone pictures falling into the wrong hands, and it does pay to be very careful — but if you trust your partner, or you don’t intend to run for any public office in the future, send them on!

Here are a few tips to turn your sexting pics from “hot” to “sizzling hot”:

Play the tease. So your partner wants to see something naughty? Give him half of what he wants. Give him your naughty hand inside your panties. All he will see is the shadow of your hand underneath satin and lace…but he will know exactly where that hand is. Sometimes what you don’t show is even hotter than what you do!

Use the light. Cell phone cameras used to be little things that took only a half-decent shot, no matter what you tried. Now they are much better, but still need ample light to make a great shot. Make sure you are in a well-lighted area, or if your intention is to send something a bit darker, make sure the light is minimal, yet enough to see by. The bedside reading lamp should work just fine.

Use a mirror. Want a full-body shot but can’t seem to get the right angle? Use a full-length mirror and take a shot of your reflection to make it work!

Take requests. Don’t just send a surprise…make your partner tell you what they want. It’s a good way to encourage someone to talk dirty if they aren’t used to that kind of thing. Tell them you want to hear it, in detail, exactly what they would like to see…and then reward them with a picture and a text that says, “See how easy that was?”

Take your time. If you know your partner would like to have a few naughty pics, take them before you start texting. That way, you can relax and take your time as you find the right angle, the best lighting, and more.

Consider easy removal. Maybe you feel comfortable with sending those pics to your partner, but what if your cell phone gets compromised? If you lose your phone, there is no telling where those pictures could end up. Consider deleting the photos as soon as you send them, or store them on a SIM card that you can remove and put away for safekeeping.

Everyone needs a little refresher course every once in a while, no matter the subject…so it makes sense that a quick dirty talk refresher course will help you stay on top of your game in the bedroom!

Sometimes we fall into a routine, and get too comfortable. Other times we simply forget about some great new thing we intended to try out. Before you know it, all the good information you gathered from places like Dirty Talk 101 and the Dirty Talk Guide slips away and you become complacent, comfortable…and dare we say it?…a bit boring!

Here’s a quick way to light that fire all over again!

Read a dirty book. Don’t know what in the world is new to say? Read a dirty book to get some great ideas. Erotic stories can give you great ideas not only for dirty words, but dirty scenarios as well. Choose an erotic novel that suits your personal desires, or opt for an anthology to get a taste of all sorts of erotic themes.

Watch a dirty movie. Yes, that’s right. Pull out the porn! Porn stars offer the ultimate dirty talk experience, and you can make the most of it by studying what they say and when they say it. But don’t repeat it verbatim — a canned response to a particular move or word isn’t sexy. Make it your own by taking the porn star ideas and incorporating them with what you and your lover enjoy.

Explore that one elusive fantasy. Is there one fantasy that drives you both over the edge when you act it out in bed? Consider making it a reality. Talk about what you would need to do to get there, and if other people are involved, think long and hard about what it could mean for your relationship. Simply talking about a fantasy in such detail can start those dirty talk juices flowing again!

Shake things up! Tired of the same old thing? Talk dirty to your partner in public. Leave a steamy message on their voice mail. Send an email that details exactly what you intend to do to them when they get home — and then make good on your promise. Do something out of the ordinary to give your sex life the kick-start it needs.

Practice, then practice some more. The more dirty your words, the filthier your mind will become. Talk dirty to yourself while you masturbate. Explore fantasies by talking about them with others on message boards and blogs. Read those erotic stories out loud. Make a point of talking dirty to your partner about a wide range of scenarios. Just keep talking dirty and remember that practice makes perfect!

It is one of the most common complaints, particularly by men, when it comes to long term relationships or marriage – the sex life comes to a halt. For some couples, there is the slow burn out until it ends all together. For others, date night on Saturday nights is still alive and well, but they hardly call their sex lives exciting. Does this sound like you? If so, hey, don’t feel bad about it, it has happened to every couple in a long term relationship at least once. So if you find yourself watching these hot and heavy couples of all ages getting it on in prime time drama, and find yourself wishing you were them, maybe it’s time to start thinking about how to amp up the sex life. Remember when sex used to be fun? Those days don’t have to be the good old days with the following tips.

1. Variety is the spice of life, and of sex. That’s right, you’re going to have to mix it up a bit. If you aren’t so brave, you can start with small changes. Do it on a different night, do it in a different room, do it at a different time of day, or just wear something different when you bring it on. In this very busy world, it can be soooo easy to fall into a sex rut. You won’t be happy with your sex life as long as you are using the word “rut” by the way. In order to keep your sex life from going stale, it’s time to start mixing it up a little. Start with one change, and you will be surprised at how exciting and easy it will be to add more and more changes down the line.

2. Remember that the best sex of your life can come in a long term relationship. The benefits that come from a long term relationship are abundant, that is why everyone wants one so desperately. There is something to be said about having a little bit of a comfort level with someone. This is someone you already and instinctively trust, and so you can let go a little more. The bedroom oops and blunders become something to giggle about after the fact, and you have someone you are safe with sharing fantasies. Believe it or not, but the more comfortable you are with someone, the greater the fun when you turn the kink on. This could very well be the hottest sex in your life, but you have to be willing to step outside that comfort zone. Go ahead, even the suggestion of something kinky will amp things up before you even make it to the bedroom.

3. Have your first date….all over again. You may have a rule about no sex on the first date, but when you are revisiting your first date, there ARE no rules. This is an age old tip, but it works time and time again. You can even try it time and time again and you will get the same results. Revisit your first date again, but make this a blind date. Pretend you don’t know each other. The subconscious act of pretending to be strangers, while the realistic notion of knowing this person very well, will take down the guard we ALL experience on a first date. And you know that the potential for kinky is always high when your guard is down. Go ahead and let loose a little bit, be that girl you’ve always wanted to be on a first date. You will love this one so much you may end up having a first date EVERY Saturday night from here on out. And so you should.