101 Ways to Masturbate

1. Alone.

2. With a partner.

3. On the bed.

4. On the kitchen table.

5. While watching porn.

6. During phone sex.

7. While texting with someone.

8. With a vibrator.

9. With your hands down your pants.

10. With your lover’s golf clubs. Swing!

11. Naked in your living room.

12. While humping a stuffed animal.

13. In a public restroom.

14. With the wine bottle.

15. With the shower head.

16. While in the bathtub with the fuzzy sponge.

17. With lots of lube.

18. In a room full of people during National Orgasm Day.

19. With your electric toothbrush.

20. In front of your ex-boyfriend.

21. While bopping to the beat of your favorite album.

22. At a concert with a noise-activated vibrator.

23. With the gearshift of your man’s car.

24. While she’s going down on you.

25. While you are going down on her.

26. With that cool light-saber toy.

27. While riding the jets in the hot tub.

28. While using Altoids for that brisk, tingly feeling.

29. With a set of drumsticks.

30. With a peppermint stick.

31. With pens, pencils, or highlighters.

32. With his remote control.

33. As a goodbye gift to your soon-to-be ex.

34. While on webcam.

35. With a phone set to vibrate.

36. By using the shampoo bottle.

37. While on video.

38. In the sex toy store while trying out the merchandise.

39. While letting someone take pictures of you.

40. With a pocket pussy.

41. In a hotel room with a perfect stranger.

42. With cucumbers, carrots, and any other veggies that look…tasty.

43. With a banana.

44. While watching yourself in the mirror.

45. While pulling on your pierced nipples.

46. With cool-melt soy candle wax.

47. With the candle itself.

48. By aiming water with a turkey baster.

49. By using his come as lube.

50. With a thin water bottle — chilled, if you like it like that.

51. While riding the arm of a chair.

52. With a large dildo.

53. With a butt plug up your ass.

54. While someone is fucking your ass.

55. By following directions from your Master.

56. As fast and furious as you can.

57. While getting a tattoo.

58. While making your own amateur porn.

59. While in the backyard pool during a pool party.

60. In your childhood bed.

61. Better yet, in your parents’ bed.

62. With a popsicle. Chilly!

63. With a warm sock.

64. With nothing but your fingers.

65. By sticking your dick in a melon.

66. With a lot of prostate stimulation.

67. While using lotion.

68. In the middle of a scene with your submissive.

69. During an intense fantasy about your best friend.

70. By sticking your dick between pillows.

71. While your hands are numb with cold.

72. With snow all over your nether regions.

73. While using an anal sex toy.

74. With a sexy blow-up doll.

75. While using urethral sound tubes.

76. By using the “stop and go” method.

77. While twisting your hands gently up and down your shaft.

78. While rubbing your clit with a bit of lube.

79. With a toy placed right against your g-spot.

80. By fucking a fresh apple pie. (Come on, you’ve seen the movie!)

81. While on a roof above a busy street.

82. On your boyfriend’s voice mail.

83. On your boss’s desk when he’s out of town.

84. While using a penis pump.

85. Finding someone to do it for you.

86. Using a vacuum hose set on low.

87. While spanking your pussy for being a naughty girl!

88. With your girlfriend’s panties wrapped around your dick.

89. While wearing a cock ring.

90. While looking at “girlie” magazines.

91. By jacking to the beat of the radio.

92. While taunting your ex about what they can’t have anymore.

93. With a bar of soap in the shower.

94. By using the heel of your fuck-me boots.

95. In the passenger seat while your lover is driving.

96. At the restaurant under the table.

97. In the woods, where only the birds can see you.

98. At the movie theater as you lust after the leading man.

99. With a big wad of cash.

100. While getting encouragement from a message board.

101. In front of your biggest crush of all time.

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Denise Brienne

Author / Writer / Sex Consultant at Dirty Talk 101
Confident, fun, well-rounded and sexy. Those are words that describe author Denise Brienne, a thirty-something woman who has a knack for giving the best advice to those who want to spice up their intimate relationships.

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